momma please don't cry, i will be alright | trevor philips

Chapter VII

If You Were There, Beware - Arctic Monkeys

Bella

I've never slept so soundly before. I woke up in a sweat, but I was next to Trevor, my fiancé. My eyes traveled down to the ring around my finger. Though I couldn't see it very well, it was still extremely beautiful and stunning. I wonder how much he spent on it, or maybe he stole it.

My lips curled up, I twirled myself out of the bedsheets and stood up to the window, the curtains were left open all night. The sun passed through so easily, my eyes were blinded.

I strived the whole dark-wooden cottage in my black bra and panties. There wasn't any food here so obviously Trev and I could not stay here, unless we bought some.

I had the sudden courage to go outside in the back but I needed to cover up. I went back to the room and picked up Trevor's white t-shirt. I threw it over my almost-naked body. It was much bigger than my small body but it was perfect to me. After that, I went outside to breathe in the forest air. It was so calming and there was mist in the air that made my skin damp, but it felt so nice.

My feet stood on the dirty grass, my arms by my side. My hair laid flat on my shoulders.

It hit me. The sadness. Even when things could be so perfect and happy, they could still be so depressing and so darkening. I've spent too much of my time being happy, I feel like I need to be sad right now.

My friend Easton committed suicide in a mental hospital. That's on so many levels of fucked. I just want to know why he did it and what he thought it would do for him. Death is definitely not the answer to happiness, and it's so sad when people think it is. It's like running away from your problems. I like to do that a lot, I know, but I need to stop. I need to go through situations in life to become stronger, but it's so, so, so hard.

Sometimes I'll break down and cry, it helps get my emotions out. I can feel a breakdown crawling on my back waiting to attack me. I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry!

But a tear fell and a lot more. I buried my face in my hands. I whimpered quietly and sobbed to myself. Even when the man I loved is with me I still think of our past. Why didn't he just find me sooner? It would've saved so many tears.

I definitely need to get over things but of course, it has to be so challenging for me. I'm stuck in the past, I can't get over the fact that I killed my own mother and robbed a huge ass bank. I still have the money in fact. It's still in that old, black, bloody duffel bag. It's at my father's house, I hid it somewhere safe. A place where he would never find it.

I dug a hole and buried the cash. It was the best way I could think of. And digging that hole was not easy at all. It was so hard on my back and I'm a super skinny girl, I have no muscles, so that made it even harder.

I had a few days at home before I went to the hospital. My father has to be so worried about me. I was so close to him as a child, but when I got older into my teen years I sort of distanced myself from him. I isolated myself from him. He didn't do anything. It's just me being ignorant and not having the greatest relationship with my dad. I sometimes wonder what he's doing in this very second. Is he searching for me? Mourning over mom? Mourning over me? I know I am wanted again, the police have probably been informed. I'm a runaway. But I for some reason don't regret running away with Trevor. I'm engaged. How in the world will I get married if I'm a runaway? I'll be sent back to the damn hospital.

The fact that I was all over the news the one time my little "story" came out is horrific. I'm basically a celebrity, right? People know who I am. I still want to know who found it and published it. I haven't really thought about that much but really... Who did publish my story? Maybe it was my father... but he would want people to know he published it since I'm his daughter. Obviously, someone found my slip of paper. It could've been Trevor, too. But I never ever told him I was a writer. And plus, he'd be in some critical condition after that huge helicopter crash.