Maihua Lee fanfic

Without you

Maihua's POV

                                         Saturday 10:34

                                                                   -marissa! come back  -

                                                                    -I don't understand    -

                                         Sunday 9:23

                                                                    -i know it's hard to     -

                                                                    -come to terms with  -

                                                                    -being gay but i can   -

                                                                    -help you                        -

                                       Sunday 11:55

                                                                   -please talk to me        -

                                                                   -i really care about      -

                                                                   -you                                   -

She wouldn't respond to me. I was pacing around my room for a while after she left. Gaonha came in and talked to me last night.

"I saw Marissa left crying, what happened?"

"I don't even know, we kissed and then all of a sudden she got scared. Her parents are really homophobic and I guess she got scared of coming out. But she's gay, she admitted she liked me, and then she said it couldn't happen. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means she hasn't come to terms with herself yet. It's not her fault or yours, it's because of her parents. I'm sorry, Maihua. You should leave it alone. You just got your heart broken and obviously Marissa isn't ready for a relationship. I don't want to see you hurt again."

Gaonha was probably right, but I couldn't get her out of my head. I needed to see her, but I couldn't go to her house because her mom would get mad and that would just make everything worse. Still, if she wouldn't answer me, I would have to go to her. I couldn't be without her.

Marissa's POV

 I can't see Maihua again. If I saw her, I would want to kiss her and never run away from her again. But I couldn't. 

Natalie is the best friend I could ask for. She came and picked me up last night and drove me around for a while. She asked me if I wanted to talk to her, but I couldn't get the words out. So she blasted some music and rolled down the windows. By the time we got back to my car, I had stopped crying. I thanked her and I gave her a huge hug. Someday I'll explain it to her.

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Monday Afternoon

I was pretty out of it in class today. Normally, I love my english class but I couldn't focus. My teacher asked me if anything was wrong, and it's not like I could say that I might have lost my only chance at love because my parents were homophobic, so I said I was fine.

When last period ended, I put in headphones right away and started listening to Post Malone. He's my go-to when I'm sad. I packed up and started walking out to my car. Looking down at the ground, I try and imagine I'm in a music video. It always cheers me up because I start walking confidently, even though no one can hear the music except me. As I start walking along with the beat, I look up at my car and almost trip. I'm in the middle of the parking lot about 15 feet away from my car and I stop completely.

Maihua is standing at my car. She's looking straight at me and smiling, and for a second I smile back at her. I meant enough to her to come and talk to me? I don't get it.

BEEP! Someone was honking at me and they shook me out of her spell. I turned around and started walking the other way. I heard her shouting "Marissa!" so I started running. She didn't have a backpack, so she caught up to me quickly which I should have guessed. I wasn't really thinking then, just trying to avoid her. She ran in front of me and stopped me, grabbing my hand. I twisted out of it because I couldn't let anyone see us. "I need to talk to you."

I couldn't avoid her. "Fine. Come to my car."

No one in the parking lot was paying any attention to us that I could see. If people saw a girl meeting me, it would go around really fast. Maybe if anyone did see us, they would think she was a boy because of her short hair. I hoped so. We got into my car and I turned to her. "What do you want?"

"What do you mean? You like me. I know you do."

"So?"

"So? You're not going to give us a try. I told you I liked you and you don't even care? What the hell."

I hurt me to see her so angry. But this was exactly why I couldn't date her. There would always be stuff we couldn't do. We couldn't go to public places that I know my mom's friends go to. Every time we hung out, I would have to lie to my mom. The Natalie cover could only work for so long until my mom asked her what we did, which means I would have to come out to Natalie. What if I did that? Then she could actually cover for me to my mom..... NO. "Maihua. I..."

Maihua's POV

I could hear her voice breaking. "I...I...I just don't know how to make it work. Of course I care." She looked down. 

"Go on a date with me." I think it's more important that people show how they feel about me, not that they keep talking about it. If she cared, she'd come. Maybe it didn't seem that simple to her, but it was to me.

"Ok." She surprised me. I was expecting a lot more about her mom, about why we wouldn't work. I guess... She did care about me. I couldn't help but smile. Quickly, she cupped my cheek and kissed me. She pulled away as quickly as she had started it, but she was still smiling at me. "Not here." I wanted her so badly. I wanted more and I kept looking at her. She bit her lip and leaned over to kiss me again. She pulled quickly out of the parking lot and started speeding down the streets.