Dominic Paul Ynares
September 1, 2019, 9:32 p.m.
Can I be honest with you for a minute?
Bakit? Ano yun?
I just got home and I decided to call you
But I scrolled through our conversation instead
Anong sasabihin mo canary?
Kinakabahan ako haha
Don't be nervous
Hindi ko lang kasi maiwasang isipin minsan na baka mapagod ka rin sa akin. When I told you I appreciate everything you're doing for me, I really take note of them one by one. Sobra-sobra yung effort mo para sa akin.
Hindi ko lang maiwasang isipin na baka mapagod ka 😔
(Dominic Paul Ynares is calling you)
~
"Hello?" I picked up his call on the first ring as I plumped myself down on the bed.
"Mahaba 'yong sasabihin ko kaya tumawag na lang ako sa'yo," sagot niya.
A little smile formed on my lips. I nodded even though I know he can't see that I'm nodding. His voice sounded so soft. It was like a lullaby, like he was holding me close and I can lay in comfort.
He always talks to me this way since then. But ever since he told me how much I mean to him, I came to understand the little gestures he's been doing since we were young.
This is one of those.
"What is it, Paul?"
"Ayaw kong isipin mo na mapapagod ako." He breathed. Napakagat din ako sa loob ng labi ko.
"Sorry... I didn't want to think that way. Hindi ko lang talaga—"
"Alam mo bang ang tagal ng hinintay ko para lang magawa lahat 'to, Canary?" he said, cutting me off.
"What—"
"Mas mapapagod ako kung hanggang ngayon nagtitiis ako. Hindi ko pa ba nasabi sa'yo na mahirap kang tiisin? Kasi putang ina ang hirap talaga."
I silently gasped for my breath. Why is it so hard listening to him say all of these things?
"Dumating ako sa punto na naiinggit ako kay Jet kasi lahat puwede niyang gawin para sa'yo. May karapatan kasi siya, boyfriend mo, e. Pero putang ina naiinis din ako na binaliwala ka lang niya nang gano'n. Naiintindihan mo ba? Hirap na hirap akong magtiis tapos may isang masuwerteng sira ulo na tinatapon lang lahat ng bagay at panahon na sana mayroon din ako. Malapit na nga akong makipagpalit sa kanya noon. Sana ako na lang. Hindi kita gagaguhin. Ang hirap mong panooring umiyak noon."
I pressed my lips together, gripping my pillow tight. Umiinit ang pisngi ko at unti-unting lumalabo ang paningin ko sa lahat ng sinabi niya. The knots were slowly forming in my stomach and the pounding in my chest was loud and heavy, it's almost ringing in my ear.
"Paul..." My voice trailed off saying his name.
"Mas napagod ako doon, Canary."
Mariin akong napalunok.
"You know what? Sana nga ikaw na lang." I smiled painfully as a tear fell down my cheek.
"I never imagined someone would love me this way, Paul. Kahit si Jet. Well, I hope Jet did. Kaso hindi rin. And I couldn't make sense of it. How could you love me this way?" My heart was racing so fast, leaving him my last question.
There was a momentary pause hanging in our line. All I could hear was our breathing, and that was loud enough for me to know whatever was bugging me this past few months.
I gasped for air as I allow my tears to stream down my face.
"Mahal kita," he said breathlessly. "Hindi ko alam basta mahal kita."
I nodded. "It's all right. I know."
And it's all too surprising that I'm secretly holding on to this moment.
