Holding Hands

Chapter 16

"There was no tongue!" I shouted in shock barely containing my hysterical laughter.. Laila always had something crazy to say. Maybe that's why we were so close. I needed Laila to loosen me up. And Laila needed me to tone down her crazy. "I just can't with you."

"Yes you can." Laila countered. "Ok, let's get to work." Laila wrote the number 1 on the first line of the paper. "We have to get you over this fear of men, so..." Laila put the pen to paper and wrote:

#1- Talk to Hakeem.

"Ok," I agreed readily.

"You're going to use him to figure out how to actually have a real conversation with a man that is not awkward." Laila continued.

"I am not awkward." I protested.

"Yes, you are." Laila twirled the pen in her fingers. "You can barely say hi to my big brother without blushing." Laila reminded her.

"That's cuz he's fine." I said dreamily.

"I will puke right here." Laila gagged. "He's like thirty. What is wrong with you?" Laila frowned. "We're going to need a 2A." She scribbled on the page.

#2a Don't ogle my brother, you nasty girl!

"Erase that!" I squealed.

"Ok, fine." Laila conceded. She scratched a single line through #2a and wrote something else besides it, blocking my view before uncovering the page.

#2a Don't ogle my brother, nasty! Get therapy for your lust issues.

"I don't have lust issues. And you didn't write number two."

"Number two." Laila pensively tapped the pen on the page. She scribbled something down.

#2- Go out on a "date".

"Well, since Hakeem is like super respectful and extra corny, I could see you going on a real date with him."

"What do you mean by a real date." I asked suddenly serious.

"Well, do you think Hakeem would overstep boundaries if you were alone?"

"I don't think he would, but I know we can't technically be alone together." I paused before I shared the thought that I'd been holding in my mind since the night Hakeem and his family came to dinner. Laila waited patiently.

"I could... figure out a way to, uh, get Hakeem somewhere in public... but without a chaperone." It was taking forever to get it out. This was Laila. I could tell her anything, but I was nearly whispering now.

"Yeah. You don't sound too sure about it." Laila looked at me with sympathetic eyes. "Look, we can scratch this off the list. Actually, we can scrap the whole thing. This is not you." Laila began balling the sheet of paper into a wad.

"No. It is me." I said softly.

I wanted to be able to talk to a guy. Know how those girls felt who had boyfriends who doted on them. I wanted candy on Valentine's Day on not the 50% off chocolates from February 15th. I wanted a guy to look at me the way Abu looked at Umi. I wanted that feeling, but without the pressure of marriage. Marriage led to sex. And sex was bad. I just wanted to talk to Hakeem. Talking to Hakeem under my dad's supervision was one thing. Tricking Hakeem to be alone with me was something else entirely.

"Are you sure?" Laila asked, placing her hand over mine. "You don't have to do this."

I nodded quickly before I could change my mind.

"Then there's only one step left," Laila sighed.