Holding Hands

Chapter 67

By sheer force of will, I used every iota of power I could muster to ever so slowly nod... yes. That was enough. My consent for marriage would be my silence since I felt too shy to speak.

"Takbeer!" Brother Ishmael called out in joy, grasping his son's shoulder in fatherly elation.

"Allahu Akbar!" Everyone around the table responded to the call with smiling faces and joy in their hearts. God is the Greatest!

Everyone except me. What had I gotten myself into? I just wanted to be able to speak to a guy and learn how to be more comfortable with the opposite sex. I didn't actually want to get married, especially since that led to the scariest thing ever, sex. Abu kept us so sheltered that I'd never really had a conversation with any boys until Hakeem. I just wanted to know how it felt. I didn't want to stop talking to Hakeem, but I knew I was being dishonest. I was lying to my entire family to satisfy my curiosity. And now, I just said yes to marrying Hakeem! If I said no, that would be the end of our conversations. The end of his smooth voice in my ear. The end of that giddy feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever he said my name. The end of that constant ache in my cheeks because I couldn't stop smiling when I thought of him.

There was no turning back now.

The smile on my face was forced. If I was being completely honest with myself, I had to admit that I was playing Hakeem. He was an actual person with feelings. He hadn't done anything but be a nice guy. A wonderful guy. And if he really had feelings for me, he was going to get hurt in this process. I didn't deserve him and I didn't feel anything but guilt as I recalled the last item on the do list I'd written.

#4 Drop Hakeem like a hot cake.

Chapter 13

The Setup

The call was more awkward with my mother on the line as opposed to my father. Umi wanted to actually participate in the call rather than just listen in the background as a chaperone. She ended up talking to Hakeem more than I did.

"So what do you plan on doing after college?" Umi asked Hakeem.

"I currently have an internship with the Coca Cola company as part of a young engineers school to work bridge program. If all turns out well, I'll be working for them full time when I graduate, inshallah." Hakeem answered his future mother-in-law's questions patiently. He really did want to make sure she got all of her questions answered. He was making more of an effort to get to know my mom now that we were engaged to be married. My mom was also making more of an effort to get to know him.

"That's quite impressive Hakeem." Even though Umi and I were not in the same room, I could tell that she was smiling over the phone. "And where do you plan to live with my daughter?"