Music For Cars

VI

I tried to keep things to a normal routine, trying to ignore my feelings. It was so awkward how I felt. I had to daily watch Chris' hands explore her body: his hands on her waist, his light kiss on the back of her head as she made herself breakfast as he left for the studio with me, her head under his armpit as we watched movies at night, the constant moans almost nightly through the thin walls while my hand was on my dick as if she were there, their tongues going down each others' throats...I could go on.

If you've had romantic feelings towards someone, you should know how tough it is to watch them...let alone live with them. My life changed forever as soon as she sat in the passenger seat of my car.

"Heading to the studio?" (Y/N) smiled up at Chris as he kissed the back of her head...for the thousandth time.

I stayed quiet. I never spoke my mind around them, it wasn't worth the fight. I felt like a ghost as I sat at this island, watching them make eyes at each other. 

"You know it." Chris' rough voice chuckled at his precious girlfriend, lip piercings clanging against his pearly whites. "Comin', Rick?" He looked up at me.

"I'm not feeling too hot." Emotionally. "Think I'll sit this day out." He nodded at my lie.

"You okay?" She asked as soon as Chris left. As soon as he was gone...the trouble began.

"Yeah, I'm just being lazy." I mumbled, giving her a crooked smile.

"Okay, well, I can't take care of you today because I'm going out with some friends." She mentioned.

"That's fine...I was gonna' bring Devin over anyways..." I looked at the floor. Devin always wanted to skip studio days. He was sometimes a prick about it.

(Y/N) left after another two hours of getting ready for the day. I would question why it took so long for girls to get ready but I have to remember it takes me equally as long.

"You rang?" Devin smiled at me with his eyes glaring as I opened the door.

"I don't know why, but I feel comfortable if only you knew this." I let him in and he followed me to the home office. I had to get some guitar practice in if I skip work.

"What are you talking about?" He leaned on the threshold as I prepared my computer.

"(Y/N) and I." I mumbled.

"Chris' girlfriend?" I could tell he already had an idea.

"Yeah, we're...in a complicated situation Chris doesn't know about." I looked at the ground, turning the spinny chair towards him.

"Let me guess, you either fucked her or love her." He counted the reasons on his fingers.

"Both." I lifted my eyebrows for a brief second. Devin was right on the money.

"Well, kid, you've got quite a predicament on your hands." He crossed his arms with laughter. I found it funny the way he dressed.

"I don't know what I want." I put my hand to my forehead. 

"That's no good." I could tell he was cooking up an idea. 

"What should I do?" I started rubbing my temples.

"Tell her how you feel...if you haven't already." Surprising that was the only idea he came up with.

"I don't know...I haven't told her directly." I shrugged.

"Then be direct." He said simply.

"What if I get rejected?" I asked him nervously.

"Go on with your life. She's not yours." She's not yours. Those words rang over and over in my head like a vicious poison. I could feel blood leaking from my ears.

"You're not really helping." I shook my head at him.

"Sorry...I've never had a girl problem." He shrugged. "I mean...I'm either fucking a lot of them or I've got my own girlfriend."

"Nice." I sighed. "Leave me alone." I turned back to the computer.

I didn't hear him leave as I put headphones on and plugged my guitar into a little amp in the corner. I started strumming some notes from my own songs I've written and hide away from Chris.

I suddenly felt my headphones fall to my shoulder.

"Nice writing." (Y/N) stood above me. I gulped heavily, remembering Devin's effective advice.

"Thanks." I smiled up at her. "Can we talk?"

"Sure." She turned around. I put my guitar away and headed towards the living room where she started setting up a movie. "What's up?"

"I want to talk about us...I mean you...I mean Chris...I mean...me." I was already fucking up quickly.

"I've got a feeling I know what this is." She sat on the edge of the couch as the start-up screen began.

"Yeah. Probably." I looked down, ignoring the flashing on the television. "What do you think of living here?" I wondered if it tortured her, too.

"I mean, Chris comes and goes often...he seems a bit rushed." She was putting thought into her answer. "But, I mean, I love the house we live in." I knew she'd never feel the same. "What's wrong with you?"

"I think I love you too much. I don't know if you relate but-" She interrupted.

"How can I relate to someone who doesn't speak?" Her laughter was delicate. It was true...when her and Chris were with each other around me...my mouth was sealed.

"I-don't know..." I looked around, avoiding contact. "Is it the same for you?"

"Unfortunately." Her voice cracked. "You gave me a night of ecstasy." I suddenly felt proud of myself. "I've fell irrevocably in love with you."

"Wow...that's a way to say it." I blushed and continued staring at the fibers in the carpet.

"Yeah...if you were asking if I was tortured living here earlier...then hell yes." Her sigh was like music to my ears. "But I'm with Chris...if I leave Chris for his best friend...neither of us will live to see a day together."

"True." I blushed. 

"God, you're going to ruin my life." At least we were finally on the same page.