Music For Cars

VIII

*Ricky's POV*

I realized what was going down. I couldn't handle it...not yet. I bolted to the restaurant, hoping she'd take a cigarette break and talk to me. I leaned against the wall near the catering vans and texted her to 'take a smoke break'. 

That's when I saw her, holding a box of Marlboro brand cigarettes with her black lighter. She looked amazing in her dress and heels. I hated thinking that. Every time I thought about her in a physical way...it felt like a sin.

I put in another cigarette. This was number six of the pack I bought almost an hour ago. She's giving me such a problem. 

"Ricky!" She squealed happily, running over and hugging me. Her run was awkward in such heels. She was somehow still shorter than me, though.

"What's up?" I walked backwards, more towards the van. I felt like I was ready to cry. 

"You won't believe it!" She squealed putting her hands to her mouth. That's when I saw it. The diamond stud, ginormous, on her left ring finger. 

"Yeah, alright, I better go." I tried to bail, feeling my heart pound and the water works coming. I felt so frantic.

"Wait, you just got here!" She grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"I'm not supposed to be here in the first place." I warned her. "If he knew, he'd have my head."

"Well, there has to be a reason you came." She shrugged.

"I was hoping for something different, not this...engagement." I sighed, barely able to look at her even though it was extremely tempting.

"I'm sorry. I mean, this is what it is." I could almost see her heart pounding out of her chest. I could tell she was still majorly confused in what she wanted.

"I came to admit it for the millionth time to you. You're breaking my heart. From that day I picked you up at the airport to this engagement...I love this shit out of you. I've fallen for you, (Y/N)." I whined to her.

"And I...love you, too." She clenched her fists, crushing her pack of cigarettes she never got to light, and stared at the ground.

"Look at me." I stepped towards her.

"I love you, Ricky." She looked me in the eye,shaking her head. I could see the tears billowing over.

"I'm not half as bad as what you've been told. It's probably just Chris making lies to keep you away from me." I grabbed her wrists gently, my thumb running across hers.

"I love you, Ricky." She mumbled as I watched two tears flow over her cheeks steadily. I sighed, crookedly smiling and changing my footing. I was starting to feel excited.

"God, I love you, (Y/N)." I bit my lip, trying to keep quiet. "I love everything about you."

"I love you, Ricky." She repeated. Every time she said it, it pulled on my heart strings. I couldn't stop smiling at her. The fag I had lit fell to the ground as I put my hands on her hips as we stood apart. "But I can't love you." My heart sank to the ground.

"Of course." I put my hands in my face to rub the stress away. I wanted to light another, but I knew I shouldn't. 

"I just love Chris. He's so sweet and caring. He defends me." She went on and on.

"You know, I even love you when you're going on about him." I chuckled ironically. "I do the same shit for you, (Y/N). I don't understand."

"He had me first." She mumbled, grabbing my hand gently. "I can't love you. I can't do anything about it." 

"Yes you can. You can leave him. I'll protect you. He won't throw you out. He loves you, too." I hated admitting it, but it was the truth.

"No, Ricky. I can't do anything about it!" She shouted at me. I worried if the whole restaurant inside could hear.

"I love you, (Y/N)." I ground my teeth, trying to contain my anger. I even fucking loved her when we were arguing... "I've been pouring my fucking heart out to you and all I get is a look of pity."

"I'm not pitying you. I feel it, too." She whispered, the diamond gleamed under the outside lights. It was almost blinding.

"It hurt me so bad to come here." I looked up at her gently. "I got ready, throwing on this jacket. It smelled like you...I haven't washed it yet from that day we went at it." I shrugged at her. "It took me forever because I was thinking whether this was right or wrong."

"It was...both." She admitted. "I don't know how but it's both." Her head was shaking.

"I know, that's why I came anyways." I put my fingers in my eyes to keep the tears inside.

"I love you, Ricky." I could hear her whimpering breath as she stepped closer and closer to me. 

"I love you, (Y/N)." I wrapped my arms around her body. 

"I love you, Ricky." She repeated as her nose slowly slid past mine.

"I love you..." I couldn't finish as our lips were already attached.

I missed the feeling. Her sweet lip balm slid all over my lips and onto my tongue where I tasted her sweetness. The sparks flew all over my brain as my fingers dug into her waist as I needed her more and more. It felt so right and I wondered if she felt it, too. I wondered what she even felt with Chris...if it felt this right.

"I love you, Ricky." Her lips trembled as we slowly parted. I smiled drunkenly.

"Yeah, yeah okay." I nodded, backing away from her. "Don't worry, (Y/N), we'll make it work." I shouted at her as I run away.

"(Y/N), you okay out here?" I heard Chris come outside to get her. I was already walking away down the dark parking lot.

"Yeah, Chris, I'm fine." I heard her heels walking back into the restaurant. 

I was going to find my way alone with her...