I sit watching the road and listening to Copeland's soothing vibes while feeling Kellin's hand still holding mine. We sit in silence as he drives through the night. I'm unsure what to say or do next but I feel like I should say something.
"I love Copeland! "
" Me too! They're one of my favorite bands"
"Oh yeah, that's right! I remember!"
"You do?" he says glancing at me from the side of his eye.
"Yeah," I say and laugh. "Why wouldn't I?"
"I don't know. I just figured" He paused "Nothing, never mind. We're here." He pulls up on a dirt road and turns the car off. I look around and realize it isn't a dirt road. We are parked on the beach. "Wanna go for a little walk?"
"Yeah, sure." I get out and my shoes sink into the sand. I should probably just take those off. I reach down and take my shoes off and toss them into the car. I feel the cool sand between my toes. There's a slight breeze and I hear the sound of waves crashing. It is a perfect night with the moon shining overhead. There's so many stars in the sky like little fairy lights. I'm so mesmerized by them that I don't hear Kellin walk up behind me. I jump as he places his hand in mine.
"I'm sorry," he says and pulls his hand away looking down
"No it's okay I....you just scared me is all. It's so pretty out here."
"I come out here sometimes to think or write," he says as we start walking down the beach beside the water. we walk in silence as I listen to the waves crashing. I glance at him as he walks. He's looking down, hands in his pockets and hair messy in his face. Why do I have the urge to reach out and touch it? He turns and his green eyes catch mine. I quickly blush and look away.
"So you and what's his name serious," he says glancing my way
"Chris," I say reminding myself I have a boyfriend. "Yeah, I guess you can say that. We've been dating for a while and he helped me through some hard times"
"Oh," he says, sounding disappointed or am I imagining that?
"What about you and what's her name?" I was curious to see how serious it was with the wicked witch.
"We've been talking for a while and she's great and we vibe I guess. Honestly, we haven't talked about what we are."
"Aren't you dating? " I ask curious what he means by what they are. Could they maybe just be friends?
"Well, he hesitates a moment and looks over at me "I guess you can say we are" he shrugs as if not sure of his answer. Could he be downplaying their relationship for me? I mean why do I care if he's with her or not. I have Chris and he's wonderful to me. I laugh nervously. "Why are you laughing" I honestly didn't know why I laughed.
"I don't know," I said and laughed again. He looked at me with a sly smile and a mischievous look in his eyes. He reached out and started tickling me. I squirmed and he continued. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. I stepped back to get away but my foot tangled in his and I fell with him landing on me.
"Still clumsy, I see" he smirked and laughed from on top of me. I feel my face turn red.
"Shut up." I push him playfully, embarrassed that that just happened.
"It's okay. It's cute," he said and smiles down at me. We stare at each other and I feel the world disappear. All I see are his green eyes looking into mine. He lowers his lips to mine softly and my eyes close. His lips barely touch mine. That same spark runs through my body and all the feelings from the past come rushing back. He kisses me softly again and my lips start to move in sync to his. I forgot how good his lips felt against mine. I sigh without meaning too against his kiss and I feel him smile and deepen the kiss.
Before we could go any further his phone started vibrating. He tries to ignore it but it continues to vibrate strongly. He pulls away and looks down at me. I have to admit he looks Amazing with his just kissed lips and hair all messed up. The phone stops vibrating finally. He leans down to kiss me again but his phone vibrates more, breaking the spell.
"Fuck!" He says and rolls overreaching into his pocket pulling his phone out. I sit up and glance at the Elexcia name on the screen which crashes me back to the real world. He has a girlfriend. Shit! I have a boyfriend.
"Um, maybe we should go." I suggest as my phone lights up with a text.
I open it to see a message from Jessa:
Where are you?
He sighs and puts his head on his knees.
"Are you okay?" I ask him to gently place my hand on his arm. He turns and looks at me. His eyes scanning my face. He reaches over and kisses me softly.
"No, I'm not. I don't want to leave this moment" he says softly. I felt the same. I didn't want to leave at all but we had to face reality. His phone vibrates again. Geez, she was relentless.
"Kells...um...we should go." I stand up and hold my hand out. He sighs and takes it pulling himself up. We walk slowly to the car. They drive the whole way back to the house in silence just the soft tones of Copeland playing. Both of us deep in thought. As well as turning onto the street I realized that he can't drop me off. What if Chris sees?
"Just um...Park up the street. I'll walk to the house."
"At night?" He says and looks at me with worried eyes.
"I'll be fine. Plus, I can't have everyone see you drop me off."
"Why not? Just say we were hanging out?"
"Kells, I have a boyfriend. You have a girlfriend. We shouldn't have done this. It's not right or fair to them. I'm sorry."
He stops the car, turns and leans over, grabs my face and kisses me hard and intensely. My lips move with his and my whole body melts. The kiss deepens and I tangle my hands in his hair. He kisses me harder and just when I feel like I'm going to explode. He pulls away and places his forehead on mine.
"I lost you once," he says breathlessly "I refuse to lose you again. I don't care who you're with, I will do whatever it takes to make you mine." I sit back and unlock the door.
"Kells, I don't -" he cuts me off.
"Bye Dez! I'll talk to you later" I just stare at him. I turn and slowly get out of the car. "Dez wait! " he says as I go to close the door. "I missed you"
"I missed you too, Kells," I say because it's true I have missed him so much. I close the door and he slowly drives away. I walk toward the house.
How could I have let this happen? Me and Kellin? Again? I thought I was over him. Over us. So why is it that my heart aches right now. He isn't going to give up until he has me. That's what he said. I can't do this! I love Chris. How could I break his heart? I continue thinking about Kellin as i walk into Jessa.
"Where have you been? Oh my god, I was so worried about you!"
"Just with an old friend. I'm fine. I'm just tired." I smile at her.
"You were with Kellin weren't you?" I ignore her and walk toward my room. "Dez! Answer me." I turn around and walk toward her so she would stop yelling.
"No! Just a friend! Stop yelling. Geez, I'm grown, Jessa. I can do what I want." I say irritated that she's trying me like a child right now. What business was it of hers?
"Well, I suggest you shower before you see your BOYFRIEND," She emphasized the word boyfriend. "because you smell like nothing but whoever you were with. Which is funny, seems he wears the same cologne as Kellin." She turns and walks away before I could respond. Ugh, she was so irritating. I groan and sit down in the hallway.
I pictured Kellin's eyes in my head and his lips on mine. What am I going to do? I'm messed up so bad and I've only been here a few days. I wasn't going to worry ..maybe he will forget. I mean he was drunk then I won't have to deal with it. But that ache in my chest starts again and I know as much as I want that to happen. I enjoyed every minute with Kellin and I know it will hurt if I was just a drunken fling. I shake my head okay stop thinking about Kellin. You have a boyfriend. I stand up and decide to shower and deal with it later. Tomorrow is another day after all. Guess, we will see what happens.
