I was so crushed three years ago when Sally left me that i decided to be a cold shallow person.
I was damaged! Somehow emotionless! I didn't care for anyone. I did what i wanted to do, even say what I wanted to say regardless of people's feelings.
I unintentionally adopted this mechanism where I find a girl I like, talk to her, get really close, and then suddenly lose interest...
I don't know if the reason I lost interest was because of the girl itself or because I hold back my feelings to the point I stop even liking her !
I held my feelings back for one reason only... I was protecting myself; I didn't want to be hurt again. Once was enough for me...
Time passed by and the same thing happened with a couple of girls...
Meanwhile, I had this friend Rita at college which surprisingly I was getting along with really fast. She was funny, elegant, fashionable, beautiful, dreamy, crazy, and passionate. Believe me I can go on and on about her non-stop. She was the kind of girl anyone would love to be around!
Luckily for me she was my best friend, the closest person to me in the world. She alongside Rosy, Jean, and Mike were the people I cared about the most! Literally speaking they were my second family! I trusted them with my life!
As time went by my bond with Rita was getting stronger and stronger! You could never separate us two. We kept no secrets from one another. She knew everything about me and vice versa. We spoke on a daily bases. I used to see her at college, then talk to her when i get home, after that text her during my break at work, and in the end call her on my way back home from work just check up on her. I didn't have a dairy but I had Rita.
Little did me or anybody else knew that deep inside me, things were developing. Feelings were beginning to surface. At first I didn't know what they were. But soon enough I knew, First time was when we held hands to pose for a picture while eating ice cream and looking at each other. The second time is when I criticized everyone else and defended her because I knew she was upset. The last was when she texted me she wasn't feeling okay, and I got her three bars of her favorite chocolate, finished work, drove to her house and gave them to her at 10:20 at night. The things I did for Rita were unplanned; whenever I had a shot at making her happy I just went for it. I don't hesitate when it comes to her, I do! All I cared about was her happiness.
I had feelings for Rita; I didn't know what to do. It was something I haven't experienced in a while. So as usual my defensive mechanism stepped in and I started to deny those feelings ever existed! It's what I was good at!
No matter how beautiful she used to look each day no matter how close we got, I pretended as I felt nothing...
