Rita said it. She said the one thing I never imagined I would hear. This is something you don't know about me, I dated a lot but not once have a girl told me she loved me. Even Sally the girl I smothered with feelings, my first and only love never said it to me.
Hearing those three words was a big deal for me. So when Rita said them I panicked, I didn't say a single word to her. I was nervous, kind of scared frankly. I tried to change the subject but it didn't work. At the time I still wasn't sure about my feelings towards Rita. But deep down inside me I knew she was different than any other girl I met. I had feelings for her but I couldn't identify what they were, were they love, or just merely a crush.
I had to say something back to her, so I sent her a heart!
She then asked:
"Nothing else?"
I couldn't say "I love you" back, I can't lie to her, I can't say something I'm not sure about. So I told her the truth. But of course I left out the part about not ever hearing that phrase. I couldn't show her that sad side of me no matter how close we were.
Rita didn't like my response. She was upset. I knew how she felt for I too have suffered the same fate before. When I told Sally how I felt and she replied with pretty much the same words I said to Rita. Now back to Rita and I. Rita was an over caring affectionate girl. Not saying "I love you" back crushed her.
So she hanged up the phone.
Days later we talked on the phone again, she re-opened the subject asking me why. I wasn't lying when I said I can't explain what I'm feeling towards you. But she took it as if I didn't. She then told me that if it's because of what she did, she's sorry. That she loves me so much, and that she would leave Simon just to be with me... I told her that it wasn't because of what you did to me. I told her that I won't say that phrase back to you knowing I would be lying. She then started asking more questions concerning my feelings towards her. I felt as I was being cornered. I had to stop her from getting attached to me. So I said things that would hurt her feelings. Things that will make her hate me. Things that were untrue!
I criticized her appearance, I told her she looked older than me, that she wouldn't suit me as a wife. I told her that her face had facial flaws and that she wasn't my type. Keeping in mind that I loved everything about her. That I find her one of the most attractive girls I have ever seen. Simply... she was gorgeous! I then went for another solution. I told her I was still in love with Sally that I miss her and want no one else. But the truth is that I was completely over Sally.
After what I said to her, Rita hanged up the phone. She and I wouldn't talk to one another for weeks. She thought that those words came out so easily, but what she didn't know that I myself was suffering while saying them. That I was protecting her from future disappointment. I was in pain for I have hurt her. I thought I lost her forever...
