𝘞 𝘏 𝘌 𝘕 𝘙 𝘈 𝘐 𝘕 𝘍 𝘈 𝘓 𝘓 𝘚

i don't want it to hurt.

sometimes i'm out past curfew.
my mom yells at me,
where were you? i was worried fucking sick—
this is why you never should have left!

i tell her that i'm alive.
i tell myself it's gonna stay that way.

after school i learn to fight.
i get blood on my shirt, i spit out the blood, i drink it
with a sip of water.
the girl i fought laughs and says i've gotten better.
the councillor says i've gotten better.
the friend who i pretend is my therapist says i'm getting better.
my mom notices that i've gotten better.
now i wait for them to follow my lead.

the girl i fought says her mom told her she's too young
to know abuse.
she tells me if she gets strong enough she can leave.
she swings at me. it hits.

the girl i fought says her grades are slipping.
an a to a d, just like that.
i swing. it misses.

she swings. she misses.
she swings. she misses.
she swings. she misses.

she tells me that i have the most prettiest eyes.
i tell her they were never mine.
i swing. i hit.

she tells me she misses feeling hollow. she tells me
about her ex boyfriend. she tells me that her dad is taking her in.
she swings. it hits.
i swing. i hit.

she tells me how she hasn't slept in days because all she does is worry. she says it's the most american thing she's ever done. she says she sleeps in class. she says its the most cliche thing she's ever done. she dyes her hair pink. she says its the most korean thing she's ever done.
i swing. i miss.

— i don't want it to hurt.