I'm so fucking heated right now. The tension in the car is tense and so thick. I don't think I've ever been this damn mad before. I mean does this...this hoe really expect me to take care of her damn child. Hell I only worry about Harmony Jade. No exceptions. Point blank. The end period! Her ass wants to go to college and get a career just like I fucking want to, but hell you don't see me calling anyone to get rid of her. Whether you're a hoe or not...you still have some kind of love for your child...this is bullshit. Honestly there's a part of me that feels horrible for thinking this way,but fuck it!
Zavian glances at me. "What's wrong with you?" His once soft hazel eyes are now cold and hard.
"Really don't wanna argue right now. Nothing is wrong. Just take me to my parents house so Ican see my baby."
"We need to talk about what just happened...hell I'm still mad at your for what the fuck you said in there." He snarls at me.
"Well if you're mad then I'm fucking pissed at you. Just drive."
The car is suddenly jerked to the side of the road. Exactly what I was avoiding.
Zavian narrows his hazel cold eyes at me. "Why the fuck you mad at me?"
Did he really just ask me that dumbass question. "You need to think about your damn question and answer it yourself Zavian."
"I'm asking you Genesis! Just answer the damn question hell!"
"You really wanna know what's wrong with me baby? Really you wanna know?" My voice is surprisingly calm. He nods his head.
"I'm not mad I'm fucking pissed to the max. Number one no matter how I fucking cover it up I'm still hurt by you cheating on me. The hurt has built up into fucking anger. I just push it all back though. To keep our little family somewhat perfect. Then you come in with this bullshit acting just like a dumbass nigga glancing at a baby and just because he has damn hazel eyes he's your. You really don't know how fucking stupid you look!! I'm fucking pissed because youwwere gonna take that child home without even talking to your soon to be wife! What type of shit is that! You need to get a damn DNA test Zavian! We wouldn't be in this shit and you wouldn't be fucking worrying and assuming about a damn child being yours if your stupid ass would have kept your in your pants! I'm not pausing my life for anyone asef Harmony Jade! I want a career too Zavian! Did you think of that? " I pause from my rant staring at him. His eyes have soften and I can tell he's shocked by my outburst. I'm panting from talking so loud. Almost out of breath.
"You didn't Zavian." I say softly. Then add."That's what hurts the most is that you didn't even think about me. Or Harmony for the matter who barely gets time with you already...you make those kind of decisions when you don't have anyone else that is depending on you. I'm telling you already I'm not taking care of him. His mother can. " As I say this a thought crosses my mind...maybe we aren't ready for marriage.
Zavian looks at me and opens his lips as if he's going to say something but doesn't. I didn't mean to hurt him. Didn't want to sound jusr like my father. Not knowing the impact of my words until after they've hit someone.
I'm actually expecting Zavian to say something but he doesn't. Silently he gets back on the road. I sigh. Isn't exactly what I pictured,but it needed to get out.
Zavian hasn't been the only one stressing. What I said was all true. I'm still stuck on him cheating. This leads me again to that maybe we aren't ready for marriage... It all seemed golden 9 months ago,and now it doesn't. What to do what to do? I can't just think about me though. I have Harmony to worry about. My child comes first. I have to do what's best for her.
She looks so much like Zavian. Slowly I look at him. His jaw is tense,but he won't say anything. I don't know what to hope for right now.
Sorry for the late update! Hopefully y'all like this chapter. :) let me know!! :D
