I think I just heard what he said,but he can't be serious! This isn't how I wanted us to settle allof this! No not all how I wanted to end it. Please tell me he's just speaking through frustration, hurt, and anger...please. Closing my eyes and holding the tears that are threatening to spill out of my eyes I hold a finger up silencing him.
I searched all over town looking for him because I was worried about him and I wanted to apologize for all that I said. I finally wasn't the victim for once. Finally I saw what it felt like to be the person that causes the pain and the scars the world won't ever see. I saw vulnerable Zavian once again. Well pissed off vulnerable Zavian. Only ever time I've ever seen him so vulnerable was when we broke up. Other than that Zavian is usually composed of himself and strong. Not anymore and it's all because of me.
I needed this though....he needed to know that he wasn't the only person stressing out over life itself. Stressing over not being able to control things that are uncontrollable! This is all just pissing me off.
A single hot tear makes its way down my face. Can I really do this? What if after all this time I'm not in love with him anymore because trust me I love Zavian. He's like my second world and Harmony is my first. Does absence really make the heart grow fonder. I don't know,but hell I'm fixing to find out. Wiping the tear away and those to come I open my eyes and slowly Zavian comes into view.
My heart. My love. The father of my child. My life. My sun. My water,and the air that I need to breathe.My one and only. My first of everything. My king. My super hero. Mine. All mine. Will he still be mMyine after this?
I just can't picture it. Right now he looks lost, dazed,confused,and there's still a hint of anger. This is what he wants though.
"How much time Zavian?"
"Hey I really don't know...I just need this right now. If I'm gonna be a husband to you and a the best father I can damn be to Harmony then this is what I need to do. I need to get my shit together. We've rushed into all of this shit and most of it's my fault.. We both need this Genesis. I still love you...you'll always be my babygirl. I'll always love you,but life just hit me in the face and knocked my ass downdown! Gotta stop putting us both through hell mentality. Maybe this will help us both but hell I need it. I'm still gonna take care of you and Harmony. Wherever you wanna live you got it! Ight. I'm gonna send you money avouis every weekend. Just call me if you need me. I'll always be here." His voice is is masked with hurt. He sounds like he really needs this though. His eyes hold sincerity and promise within them.
I think to myself that he is right. We have rushed into things.
"Ok Zavian I'm gonna give you all the time that you need. Just know that I'll always love you..." Grabbing his hand gently I kiss his knuckles.
We're gonna be alright... I just know we are.
He grabs me and embraces my body in his arms. His hands roaming everywhere and his nose funds its way to my hair and then my neck as he just dtinks me in while I quietly cry into his shoulder.
""I'll sit around and wait for you to come home..." I whisper my voice low and soft. It's true because I will. I'll wait forever for him to come back.
He said he's thought this through so I'm not even gonna argue with him. I'm just gonna cry and pray that this isn't too much for me to handle. He says that he's still gonna take care of Harmony and I and I have no doubt that he will. It just won't seem the same.
I feel wetness slowly crawl down my collar bone and I realize that Zavian is crying. Damn.... Zavian crying... I don't think I've ever seen him cry before. Well we can cry together. The wounds that love and life has left us. Will they ever heal? I don't know this is what this time is for.
More tears cascade down my body. Zavians tears.... Slowly I grab his head and make him look at me.
"I've never seen you cry before..." I wipe his tears away with the pad of my thumb.
"Yeah I know but it's just releasing some of the shit that won't leave. Sorry."
Shaking my head I kiss his lips. "Cry Zavian...it's okay to cry. A mans own tears will make him strong. Cry okay. Crying shows that you have feelings...shows that you're a human. We're all gonna cry." I break down myself as I hug him closer to me.
I wrap my body around his like a vine and just hold onto his body. Cherishing him.
"I just need some time baby..." He whispers. I don't say anything. I just lay my head on his chest and cry. He needs time and that's what I'm gonna give him. It's for the better.
"I love you Genesis and don't you ever forget that."
"I won't. I love you too Zavian." He pulls my head up and our salty lips from all the tears we've shed together meet and when they meet I'm lost in every emotion in my body as I treasure this kiss.
I didn't know that I fell asleep but when I wake up Zavian is gone. His bags are all gone slowly I close my eyes and cry again. Chanting to myself that this is for the best. Besides it's not like we're breaking up. He just said he needed time.
Life still goes on. This would all be different if this was just me, but I have Harmony to worry about. I have no choice but to move on with life because of her. Never would've thought we'd be in this situation but here we are in it, and all I can do right now is cry. I can't cry until he comes back home. I'm his home. Harmony is his home. He's gonna come back home, but I can't cry the whole time until he comes back. Clearly we both need this time. I just pray it's not long. Time. Time will bring him back because I'm not letting him go And he's not letting me go. We're still holding on.
Sooooooo well what do y'all think!!?!?! Hopefully y'all liked! Sorry it took so long for me to update!
