In Between Stitches

kabanata ▫️▪ 03

03

e l o i s e

▪

Hindi ako makagalaw sa aking puwesto. Feeling ko, nakadikit ang aking pantalon sa sapin ng higaan. Kahit anong lakas ng aking pag-iisip, 'di ko magawang ihabol ang aking sarili sa mga utos nito.

"Na-narinig mo ba lahat ng sinabi ko?"

Even without asking him, I cannot withdraw or at least deny what I've verbalized. His answer will always turn out to be a three-letter word, yes!

"K-kanina ka pa ba na-nakikinig sa'kin?"

There is an inch of shame in my voice when I asked him. I tried not to tremble and give him a grace-under-pressure look. Keeping him with my pretentious smile would at least lead him not to think about my thirty-minute monologue.

"Baka naman pwede mo na akong bitiwan? I'm not used with someone's embrace," nagawa kong magsalita ng deretso kahit ikinahihiya ko ang aking sarili.

Should I really feel be ashamed after I outburst my mourn to my parent's death? Or may I excuse my self for being weak? But to him, I could definitely say that nothing's a big deal -- just my other thought of running away from my disgrace.

"Sorry, if I--"

"I think, I just listened to a brave and well-rounded woman," ngumingiti siya.

I'd like to detach myself from my flesh and bones. This malu -- where I become more apparent, awkward and inferior -- bragging my low esteem. Everything evaporates especially the moment our eyes met; I just found myself sharing a bedroom with a stranger!

"Nahihiya ka ba?" paghahabol niya.

Should I really be mad of myself, shouldn't I?

Not only to the extent of his contagious smile, but he also exudes cuteness. He's not an ill-favored even though he has gone his clear complexion.

"Are you thinking 'bout-"

"Hindi! I'm checking your condition," I cut him off.

Naramdaman ko ang pagbitiw ng kanyang mga yakap. It feels like a crown being passed to the successor. With my position next to him, I don't expect that he will comfort me. But now, there he is, he has the sound of a steward; appointed to be responsible for me.

"I'm okay. . . but," tumitingin siya sa akin at unti-unti niyang hinawakan ang aking braso.

Dahan-dahan akong napatingin sa kanyang paghawak; maingat at nakakagaan sa pakiramdam. Ngayon ko lang ulit ito nadama. Matagal na panahon na'ng nakalipas simula nang una ko itong naramdaman -- sa paghagkan ng mga yakap ni Papa sa akin; simula nang yakap ko pa aking mga magulang.

". ..you come here and it's a rightful feeling to say that you're lucky also," bahagyang umiwas ako ng tingin; ayokong tinititigan ako sa mata.

Did I hear him right, didn't I? Ako ang nagmukhang pasyente sa aming dalawa. I should have asked him, I should have checked him, this might not happen if I did so.

"I am being weak also. .and a whining schoolboy back then," pagkukuwento niya.

Me, at this moment -- is being awkward. If I will look at him and listen may change my grace and elegance? Just to make this clear, I'm having a hard time deciding if I will look back and listen.