𝐑𝐄𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐃 / bungō stray dogs x reader anthology

𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 𝐠𝐨𝐠𝐨𝐥 ✧ 𝐠𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

March 13th 2020 / Requested by marster_ / existentialism & sociopathic tendencies / 1984 - allows the user to read the minds of everyone around them regardless of the situation, the ability is always active / 900 Words

✧ ｡ﾟ✐.*ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* ✎｡:*ﾟ

How amusing. It was hilarious really you supposed, as you leaned back in your seat, eyes fixated on the kitchen ceiling. The room was spotless, after all, cleaning was a habit of yours whenever you became particularly stressed. And yet, it was amusing, it was so dreadfully amusing. For you'd expect someone like you to be so dreadfully naive, and how incorrect that assumption was. For naive was far from what you were.

And yet you weren't quite scared either, you should be, perhaps this is what Stockholm Syndrome was? But even that wasn't it. You had always known, you had always known something about your lover was off, you had long expected that, allowing yourself to indulge in him, ready to toss him away whenever things got bad.

No, that sounded far too cruel, it wasn't that you were about to throw him in the gutter, you were all in the gutter, it was the simple truth that unlike him you dared to look up at stars, and though you could not see them from here you dared to dream of their light. You always knew he wasn't who he said he was, you had once cried yourself to sleep over his lies, you could taste them as you could taste coffee and alcohol, strong and bitter. But the next morning you woke up and decided not to cry anymore.

But why should you throw something that benefited you away? Your dear lover showered you in affection and care, he loved you, he kept you safe. And you knew he killed. You knew that. You knew he lied, and you could tell each one apart, each flavour of lie from truth, and you knew his love was not the kind you felt towards him.

The Greeks had eight words for love and while Philia, the affectorion kind; his was Mania the obsessive kind. Truly you wondered what happened to your dear lover, but you doubted he would ever tell you. He was a clown and a bird, he was an entertainer and a caged animal.

How funny that in this circus ring you sat in the cage with him while the bars were wide enough to slip out of. But he never trapped you there, he never tightened the space between the bars, he never hurt or harmed you. Yes you washed droplets of blood from his clothes, pretending it was ink, after he killed a man for hurting you. But you didn't mind, perhaps that was cruel, but how could you care for some stranger you didn't even know the name of. It didn't matter that he wore a wedding ring and his ID read his name and birthday. He was a stranger and you couldn't seem to care for him. He was just more thoughts clouding your mind.

It was so odd, and you couldn't ever truly say what it was. For how could you? How could you say that you could only love something when you understood it? How could it not be that way for other people? For you understood Nikolai better than most. After all for one such as yourself how could you not?

To your lover you wondered if he knew you knew, but you were well aware he didn't. You knew he didn't know about that side of you. For you were a talented lair, and perhaps it did hurt sometimes that you could not love him truly the way he loved you but you would never return that obsession, you would never be able to truly drop this mask. But was it really a mask?Were these feelings true or not? Or were you simply acting?

"[Name]! I'm back!" A cheerful voice sang, as the blonde tucked his way into the kitchen of the shared apartment, a smile plastered on his face. What did you do today? Did anything bad happen? If so do I need to kill someone for you? How are you? Did you eat well? The thoughts swirled in his mind, blissfully unaware you could hear them as well. "How was your day?"

"Fine," you smiled, getting to your feet and wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his lips. "How was work?"

"Boring." I had to wash off all the blood so I wouldn't dirty you my little bird.

Lair. "Mmm, I made some cookies earlier, want some?"

"Yes!" I'd love anything you make. Because I love you. I-love-you-I-love-you-I-love- you.

You laughed, his thoughts swirling in your mind mingling with your own. Oh your obsessive lover. But you would never step out of the bars of the cage, because in the ring roamed lions and tigers ready to rip you to shreds. And Nikolai would never tighten those bars out of fear of you finding out of his mask.

And so the two of you spiraled down, down, down, down, down, only tagging further in this web of lies, until you would climb from that gutter, to leave your ever obsessive lover, and finally see the stars.