𝐑𝐄𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐃 / bungō stray dogs x reader anthology

𝐫𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚 ✧ 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠

June 17th 2020 / requested by bluecheesymoons3 / Beast AU / 900 words / this is hurt comfort because I can't write fluff to save my life but I hope you like it 

✧ ｡ﾟ✐.*ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* ✎｡:*ﾟ

The silence was near suffocating. All the words you wanted to say to him clogged up in your throat choking you as you tried and failed to breathe. Your hand curled into fists, nails digging into the palms of your hands hard enough to draw blood. There was a ringing in your ear, what do you say to him? How do you confront him? How do you say anything?

Neither of you moved, the two of you were sitting side by side on the couch of the Agency's waiting room. Everyone else had already gone home, you had stayed behind to finish your work, you had no idea why Akutagawa was still here as well.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him fidgeting with the edge of his coat, the one Oda had given him, absentmindedly. You simply tried to focus on breathing, the white noise in your head getting louder and louder until finally, finally, something broke the silence.

"How are you?" the question felt clunky on his tongue, unnatural, but Akutagawa didn't know how else to break the silence. He hadn't seen you in well over a month, having been away on an assignment, and your work here kept you just as busy. The absence of a month of communication would put a strain on any relationship, but for him, it made the return to what should have been normal all the more difficult, and for you, it left an aftertaste of anxiety so great you thought you wanted to shrivel up and die.

Opening your mouth you failed to speak, any of the words you wanted to say getting caught up in your throat and rather than what you wished to say to him, a choking sob left your lips. You had no idea why you were crying but the tears had slowly started to fall from your eyes, your vision blurring together.

Akutagawa stared at you almost helplessly, you weren't shaking or doubling over, but seemed so stiff that you might as well have been a statue.

"Sorry... I-I'm sorry." you stuttered, the words leaving your lips in a jumbled and hurried mess, "I don't know why I'm crying," you whispered trying and failing to wipe your tears away.

Akutagawa reached out a nervous hand, tentative and scared, should he touch you and leave you alone? Should he pull you into a hug? What should he do? "Don't apologize," he mumbled, hoping his words made sense as he placed a hand on your back with a gentleness even he didn't know that he was capable of. It was awkward admittedly, neither of you were entirely sure of what you were doing, he who didn't know how to comfort you and you who didn't know why you were crying.

"Are you okay?" Almost as soon as the words left his mouth did he find himself slapping himself internally, that was such a redundant question! Could he truly do no better?

You let out a laugh, one that mixed with your sobs into a choked stutter, "I'm not sure... I think I'm just tired," you paused, almost as though you were waiting for permission to continue before finally speaking "I've got a lot of pressure with work and a lot of it is self-inflicted but that doesn't help. I don't want to let anyone down. Not Dr. Yosano, not Kenji, not Oda and especially not you."

"Why would you let me down?" The words left Akutagawa's lips before he could stop them, his eyes widening as you let out another muffled gasp and sob, laughter peeling from your lips as you whipped away tears and snot from your visage.

In truth, you weren't sure how to answer that without sounding dramatic or stupid or idiotic, but you could remember the words of the demon whispering in your ear all those horrible manipulative and disgusting things. Words that convinced you too do such horrible things, and with your latest case ending in a failure, it all came crashing back unto you like a tidal wave of emotions. Sweeping away your trust in your abilities, both supernatural and otherwise.

"Because I messed up!" you stuttered, "I messed up and someone died because of it, how could I ever face Oda or you afterwards? I, I wanted to live up to Oda's expectations and how can I when I can't even save one person?" Your words were choked, barely above a whisper as Akutagawa fumbled to say anything. What could he say? He had hurt people in the past, he had killed even though he had been no better than a rabid dog and yet Oda still gave him a chance. And he met you who showed him kindness and he grew, he grew past a rabid dog and into a person who tried to be kind, even if it was awkward and unpracticed.

"Did I make you proud? Did I ever make you proud?" the words left your lips in a hushed whisper as Akutagawa stared at you in shock.

"Of course," he muttered, wrapping an arm around you, the hug though stiff was welcomed greatly as you hurried your face in the crook of his neck, "I would move heaven and earth to save you. Of course, you make me proud, there isn't a single thing you could do to disappoint me," the words felt foreign on his tongue, maybe even a bit forced, but it was a start. Because things would get better, you were both healing, and you would both be there for each other, every step of the way.