Ba-Boom ba-boom boom! My heart thumped against my chest violently. I lay with my eyes stretched wide. I was sweating profusely. Terrance had been arrested three years ago but somehow, he managed to still make my life miserable. I had been having these nightmares at random almost since the day he left. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him. Flashes of what my life had become with him rolled through my head like a horror movie where I was the star. I could still hear him yelling, calling me everything but my name. I could still smell the weed and alcohol from nights when he came home to drunk and high to truly know what he was doing. I could see the fights, the not so violent ones, and the very violent ones..I could see flashes of my face swollen almost beyond recognition. My life had become a nightmare and the worst part was having to keep quiet. No one on the outside knew. Not even my parents. As I lay in my bed recovering, I think to myself, the real nightmare would be if he came back, that would be worse than any nightmare I could have. I reached for my phone to see what time it was. It was 3:30 am. I quickly scrolled through my messages and missed calls to see if I had missed any important text or calls. Nothing worth dealing with at this time of morning.
I was determined to get some rest; I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I pulled my covers up and let sleep seep in. Just as I was drifting off, I heard something move, at least I think I did. I wasn't sure. It was nights like this where my mind danced between the nightmares and reality. I heard something move again, I was not in a nightmare this was really happening. Someone was here.
Something kept telling me that this was T but I didn't want to believe it. This wouldn't be the first time he had snuck in here while I was asleep. He used to do it all the time before he was arrested. It was him; I could feel it. I told myself if I just pretended, he wasn't here then he would vanish. So I lay perfectly still praying that this would make him go away. It didn't. "What do you want " I asked as fear put his grip around my throat and squeezed. There was absolutely no answer. Although he did not respond I just knew he was in here. I could feel it, every inch of my being could feel that he was in this room. I mustered up all the courage I could "get out!" I said firmly. He didn't worry about me not showing fear because he already knew the fear was there, he had worked double to put it there. If we were going to do this we were going to do this in the light this time, no more suffering in the dark. I jumped up to turn the light on, "no leave it dark! " His deep smooth voice made the hairs on my neck stand up. I couldn't believe I was about to be face to face with this monster again. "What do you want T" he laughed. "now is that anyway to treat your man after he's been gone for a long while" I wanted to tell him that he wasn't my man I wanted to tell him that he should have never been my man but instead I remained quiet. "You miss me?" Either I had lost my mind or he almost sounded serious. There is no possible way he thought I missed him. I wanted to tell him the truth I mean really let him have it but I'm sure he'd kill me. What if he was here to kill me now? I mean what if he had figured it all out and was here to make me pay? Panic started to set in. My mind was racing and so was my heart. Do I just give in and say what he wants to hear? Do I remain quiet, just say nothing at all? My breath caught in my throat as his heavy hand grasped my neck causing me to struggle for air. "I asked you a question" he growled, Did you miss me?" Now I did want to respond but couldn't ,it wasn't that I wanted to respond I wanted to live" I clawed at his arm hoping he would understand that I couldn't breathe, but either he didn't care or didn't notice because he continued holding my neck.
Alright this was it ..I was going to die. Tears welled up in my eyes like pools of lava ready to explode, slowly the fiery liquid begin to spill over. "T please " I begged barely able to breathe. Finally, he released my throat "this is my final time asking you, DID-YOU-MISS -ME?" I knew that not only what I said but how I said it was extremely important right now. If he didn't believe me then who knows what he would do "you know I missed you baby, when did you get out?" POP" his hand cracked across my face snapping it back with the force of his blow. The sting of the slap mixed with the burning of the tears this was a familiar pain. I was confused as to why he hit me this time, but I knew better then to ask like that "what did I do wrong baby?" I could see rage in his face but it was mixed with hurt and he sniffled a little "How dare you look me right in my eyes and lie! YOU DIDN'T MISS ME!! I didn't see you one time ..Three years and you never came to see me one day" pain dripped from his words as he spoke. In his own sick, twisted way I think he did love me. Maybe he wanted to love me, and this was the only way he could think of to show me. "I was 16 when you left and I have to be at least 18 to visit you, unless you wanted me to involve a parent or someone else who was at least 18 years old! Is that what you wanted?" I asked slightly raising my voice. He was always very clear no parents in fact no one that wasn't part of the team.His face expression softened and he put his arms around me I could tell he had not thought of this..he used his index finger to lift my chin up and kissed my tear stained face "you are my baby girl ,and I should have never doubted you" he said between kisses. I just hoped he never went to check and see if I was telling the truth or if he did I hoped I just so happened to be right,Because the fact of the matter is ,I had not spent not one day thinking of seeing him . Little did he know I was the very reason he was arrested.
