Darkie Fiction

purple boy

functioning
on sleep
deprivation
and gin
questioning
your morals like
preachers who sin
what do you see?
when i speak of running
what do you feel?
when your head is turning
is it me?
the reason
you're still crying
is it me?
the reason
you feel like dying

oh purple boy
the sun,
it reflected your joy
when you lied down
in the dirt
and you were birthed
like a flower from the earth

oh purple boy
they broke you
like a childhood toy
short-lived
but your heart
it still gives
and your smile
it still lives
and your eyes
give life to dark waters
and the showers of
the blood you bled
were cleansed in the rain

you spoke of your pain
every passing day
and you held on to me
like i was your last breathe
and you told me sweet sweet somethings
and i kept you standing
and you walked with your pain
with a heavy smile on your face
hoping i would believe
i was saving you

with a heavy hand in mine
you walked with your pain
wishing your body wasn't broken
wishing your soul wasn't swollen
wishing your mind wasn't stolen
by this and that condition
who sneak in every night
with the moon as their flight
and with glasses of your pain
they ignite
a monster in you
and
oh purple boy
i knew
i could never save you
no matter how hard i
fought with my own pain
so i could listen to yours
no matter how hard i
cried for you to
live another day
while still wishing
i could die too

●●●●●●●

*SIGH*

I've written about this particular person before in purple rain (go read it, if you haven't). This person might read this and that's giving me a lot of anxiety but I will push through this for you folks out there. Thank you for the support so far by the way.♡

"Fall in love when you're alone, don't fall in love when you are lonely."

This quote comes to mind when I think of our relationship. It's gut-wrenching to realise that it wasn't truly love. It wasn't an organic  connection. It was a void in each of us that, instead of working through it ourselves as individuals, we filled it with each other's comfort. It was a classic case of trauma-bonding (look this up because I am not prepared to explain it) and it ended with a lot of  difficulty.

This relationship taught me what I needed for myself. It helped me find a voice. It helped me change in ways I thought I couldn't. It also brought me a lot of distress because there was a lot of narcissism I hadn't realised was there until I did my research. There was a form of obsession and addiction that tainted the pure love I thought I had with this person. There was a darkness. It felt so heavy for me and I had to let it go, it wasn't easy but hearing the pain in my best friend's voice telling me to just let go really woke me up to what I was doing to myself.

I ask you, desperately, read that quote again and be self-aware, look into yourself and sit with yourself before deciding to commit yourself to a new romantic love. I also want to say that love is pure and the most beautiful thing the universe has ever given us. Love does not hurt, people do, remember this.

Many people give up on love but I am here to tell you that love was never and will never be the problem.

-MAWIZANA {wise one}