Stolen Moments (l.h) - SLOW UPDATES

~thirteen~

'Sometimes, you have to break yourself down in order to stick the pieces back together again.'

You felt at ease now, like you had been freed of your demons, and could finally live your life without pain.

A weight had been lifted from your chest that you hadn't even noticed was there. It was like, all this time, ever since you met Nathan, you felt like you were living a fake life, just a shell of your real self. But your acting fooled even yourself. You had fooled yourself into thinking that you were fine for months on end, when in reality there was something unsettling in the pit of your stomach for the whole time. It kept you awake at night and haunted you when you least expected it. It screamed for recognition, and only when finally provoked, it managed to tear you apart without you noticing. 

The four of you returned to your house and you sat up for a while. Discussing music and arguing whether Blink 182 or Green Day were a better band.

"You can't compare them." Michael concluded. "It's like asking whether pizza or chocolate is better, and whilst they're both foods, they're totally different. Incomparable."

You nodded in agreement and Calum yawned. You feared this moment, when everybody would get sleepy, and go to bed. You don't want to face another challenge.

"I think we ought to get to bed, guys, it's like, already half one."

You tensed but eventually traipsed into your room after Luke. You felt rigid with fear; since when did you become so terrified of sleeping?

Since your dreams were replaced with nightmares you couldn't ignore.

You smiled at Luke and laid down beside him.

"Night, babe." He said softly. "Sweet dreams."

Yeah, right.

"Night.." You croaked.

You set your head down against the pillow, and stared at the wall. You mustn't fall asleep.

Somehow, though, you did fall asleep. You can't escape some things.

Everything's okay now. Aren't you lucky? You were forgiven for your pathetic mistakes, given another chance of making things work. But you know as well as anybody that your world will come crumbling down around you soon enough. Everything you touch breaks eventually, because breaking yourself isn't enough for you, is it? You're just so damn selfish. You're just going to cause grief, for yourself and for everybody around you.

I'm.. trying. I can get better. I can, I have to. I don't want to hurt anyone.

But you will. Oh, you always do. Luke has told you that he loves you already. How long are you going to lead him on for?

Don't-

What? Do you have some issues? Still? That's pathetic. Didn't you sort everything out? You have everything you need, aren't you grateful?

I'm sorry. I can't help it.

So what is it then? Still caught up over Nathan, aren't you? What did he ever do to you?

He hurt me..

Did he? He was just trying to help you. You were hurting yourself.

Stop. Please stop.

Why are you doing it? Are you just being attention seeking? Selfish? You're pathetic. Ungrateful. You don't deserve to be loved. Not by your parents. Not by your friends. Not by Ash. Certainly not by Luke.