What I'm Not

Chapter 4

Takara laid still in his bed, arms by his side, face bent in unconscious pain, his chest wrapped like a mummy. The doctors were kind but unable to hide the inevitable truth about his condition.

"The bullets were .55 rounds," the doctor had said. "They shattered most of his ribs and created large holes in his organs. I give him three hours. I'm sorry for your loss."

Sorry. As I sat beside Takara, I couldn't help but wonder what I could've done to make his life better. What could I have done to get closer to him? Make him happier. I could've told him I'd go with him to Winter Formal. I could've been his date to Military Ball. I could've gotten between him and his ex.

I could kiss him.

Could? Could've would be more accurate, right? I looked at the heart monitor, then his lips. Do I really love him or do I feel entitled to give him one last piece of joy?

In spite of myself, I started leaning forward, pushing my long brown hair back behind my head as I got closer. I stopped just above his lips. Can I face him later if he lives? I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his. I felt tears roll down my eyes as I kept the kiss going. Yes, I answered. Of course I can.

After what seemed to be an hour, I pulled away. My heart began to ache for more but the tears in my eyes told me otherwise. As soon as I finished wiping my eyes, I hear the most terrifying sound any machine could make. I felt cold fingers grab my heart and pull. I cried into my hands, trying to deny the sound's existence. Its impossible! But as I raised my head, I found the truth staring right back at me.

The heart monitor had lost Takara's pulse.