1000 Ships, 1000 oneshots, 1000 followers

*Feysand

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" 

The entirety of Velaris seemed to shake with the words, and Cassian and Azriel instantly froze. They knew when their High Lady was mad, and when she yelled, well, then all of Velaris knew too.

"Think we should go make sure Rhys isn't being murdered?" Cassian asked, knowing that if Feyre was to yell at anyone, it would definitely be her lovable idiot of a mate.

"No," Azriel insisted. "She'd only kill us too."

"Fair point. RIP Rhys."

Rhysand, of course, was the reason for the "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" that had rattled the very stars, although he didn't think what he said warranted such a reaction from his wife. Feyre disagreed.

You see, Feyre and Rhys were trying to pick out a name for their child. A child that would be arriving within a few short months, and while they were both over the moon with joy about it, they were still slight freaked out at the prospect of their son looking like the Bone Carver. And, of course, they had very different ideas on what their son should be called. They were sitting on a couch at the townhouse, debating it.

"How do you even know it's a boy?" Feyre questioned. "Just because the Bone Carver looked like our son doesn't mean this child is a boy."

"Well he seemed pretty confident that we'd have a son," Rhys insisted. "And considering my impressive wingspan, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a boy." Feyre rolled her eyes.

"For starters, we all know Azriel has a bigger wingspan-" Rhys gasped, offended. "And secondly, WHAT DOES WINGSPAN HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?"

"I don't know, Madja said it had something to do with your chances of having a daughter or a son."

"Uh huh."

"And besides, if this child isn't a boy, then we know that we have multiple children, which is not only super rare, but something I'd imagine the Bone Carver would tell us."

"Or maybe the boy was just our favorite child, so he didn't care to show us the others."

"I thought parents weren't supposed to play favorites."

"See everyone says that, but we all know it's not true. For instance, Elain was the favorite. By far."

"True." Rhys thought for a minute. "What do you think? Is our darling, stubborn child a boy or a girl?"

"I have no idea." Rhys flopped on the couch. 

"Well you've got to at least have a guess, I mean, you're literally growing a child inside of you. Surely that gives you some sort of insight." Feyre shrugged.

"I'm going to stick with boy for now, if only because of the Bone Carver."

"Wonderful," Rhys grinned. "Then he needs a name."

"For the last time, WE ARE NOT NAMING HIM-"

"I know, I know! I'll try to think of a real name." They thought in silence for a minute.

"What about Hayden?"

"Not bad....Elson?"

"Lyel?"

"Voren?"

"Itis?"

"FEYSAND."

"NO..... Aven?"

"That's a nice one. We could always name him Rhysand jr."

"NO."

"Feyre Jr.?"

"No."

"Oh! Azian. For Cassian and Azriel."

"....We'll think about it."

"What about Rhubarb?"

"Why do you hate our child, Rhys?"

"What about Bryaxis? I'm sure he'd love the namesake."

"You want to name our son after the creature that haunts Cassian's nightmares."

"Yes."

"NO. If we name him after any sort of creature, his name will be Suriel."

"NO."

"Middle name?"

"....Maybe. What about Newt?"

"He's a baby, not a salamander."

"Pyro."

"Where are you even coming up with these?"

"No idea. Florian!"

"No."

"Oh, I've got it."

"Oh no."

"No, I think you're really gonna like this one. It's the perfect name for our child."

"I'm listening."

"FuckYouTamlin."

"....Why did I think you were going to give me an actual name? I should know better by no-"

"No no no! Here me out. FuckYouTamlin, son of Rhysand and Feyre Cursebreaker, Prince of the Night Court. High Prince FuckYouTamlin. Future High Lord FuckYouTamlin."

"NO."

"But it rolls off your tongue nicely, doesn't it? FuckYouTamlin. I like it."

"And when the Spring Court asks why we named him that?"

"Well, then I think Tamlin will be honored that we thought of him at all."

"Rhys. Our child will be stuck with this name for ETERNITY. We're not naming him FuckYouTamlin- oh my gosh, it does roll off your tongue."

"SEE?"

"Still not happening."

"Eh, I tried."

"Are there any classic Fae names we could use? Something old and honorable?"

"And pretentious and stupid? Yes. Try Galamire, Nimli, etc. And you accuse ME of hating our child."

"It's just hard to think of a good name."

"I know. But just think- if this is hard, we still have to decide on godparents."

"Oh, that'll be a massacre."

"I know. If we don't pick Mor, she'll kill us. But if we don't pick Amren, she'll kill everyone."

"And then you have to pick godfather too." Rhys shuddered.

"Cassian will never forgive me if we don't pick him."

"I KNOW, BUT AZRIEL!"

"Hardest decision of my life."

"Maybe we should name the baby Azian, and then make Lucien godfather. That way everybody's happy."

"Feyre, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but Lucien will not be our child's godfather before Azriel and Cassian."

"Fair enough.... What about Arden?"

"I am liking the A names... Of course, there's the name I already suggested that starts with A-"

"NO."

"But-"

"Absolutely NOT."

"You said that already."

"RHYS FOR THE LAST TIME, WE ARE NOT NAMING OUR CHILD 'ACTUAL PROOF I HAD SEX WITH FEYRE'."