Never Admit

CHAPTER 19

- Time was running out and Anti still hasn't been able to apologize to Jack for what he said. He felt terrible, it was like his heart got broken into two pieces. One of them was weakly beating, while the other one was dead and never reviving back. He knew that something like this would happen if he told him that, but he somehow decided to do it, even if his brain was telling him not to and to keep his mouth shut. If only he would've listened to his own mind and not break the little trust that Jack had for him. He wanted to take it back, he wanted to rewind time and to know not to say everything that he said to him before. He wished for only one thing that time and, of course, that was too much to ask. Everything bad that he had done throughout his life, is now coming right back at him, like karma had finally come after all of this time. He never believed in karma, but in this situation that he was in right now, his mind was slowly changing and starting to believe in more things that he would've imagined before. He didn't like the change and wanted to go back in the past and live in solitude again. He wanted it so much right now, but even he knew that there was no way to actually do that. So, he focused more on the problems that he was having in the present and not get sad about his past. He didn't want that anyway.

Anti took a deep breath and lazily sat on the couch, trying to think of a way to apologize to Jack and earn his trust back. He disliked having to live with him and not talking at all. He wanted to get back to the old ways, where Jack would always hate him for teasing him, but he would also like that he was doing that to him and blush whenever he did that. It was cute and he never wanted that to stop. It was like he needed him to live himself. Like he was some sort of a demon that got his energy from love. He wanted to say that he was something like an incubus and that he only got his energy from having sexual acts with other people, but he knew that he was far away from that. Of course, he wouldn't mind if Jack was into it, but he wouldn't force him to do it if he didn't want to. He was aware of his desires, but he knew that he wasn't with Jack just for that reason, he wanted to be with him, because he is kind and will always help the people who are in need of it. Jack was always the nicer one out of the two of them and they both know it and wanted to stay like that. One of them good and one of them bad. They were different, but they were still the same person, in the same body.

A couple of minutes passed and Anti couldn't come up with anything that he could do. He thought about teleporting straight to his room, but that could make the situation even worse and Anti couldn't possibly want that.

He furrowed his brows and closed his eyes, trying to think of something fast. But, nothing that he thought of had a positive result. Everything that he would do, would be either a bad and dumb idea or simply could make the situation worse than it already is.

Although, he hasn't done anything yet, he still wasn't giving up. He knew that he would find something that will work, it was only a matter of time before that happens. He just needed to wait a little longer. He only needed to do that. Wait and be patient. And everything will be fixed soon.

It was similar to a temporary illness. Where it will be bad for the first couple of days, but after that, it will be better. He hoped.

He got up and went to the bathroom, fixing his hair in the mirror and then walking out. He went upstairs and hoped that Jack's door would finally be unlocked and Jack would let him in. He looked at the door and tried to open it, sighing when he realised that it was still tightly shut. He leaned on the door to hear something and he heard muffled cries on the other side of the door. It broke his hear to hear him cry, especially because this was all his fault. He never wanted this to happen, he never wanted to hear Jack's cries. He felt the guilt in him building up every second that he was doing nothing in order to stop this.

He grumbled and stepped out of the door and into the kitchen. Hoping that I time, he would potentially open his door to come out of his room and eat. He had eat food and in order to do that, he had to go to the kitchen where he would be making some. It was the only plan that he could think of that might actually work and not fail completely like the other ones that he thought of. He had to try at least something to fix this. He wanted to fix it. He will fix it, no matter what. He couldn't stand hearing Jack cry about it the whole time, he hated seeing and hearing him cry. It made him feel bad, even if sometimes it isn't his fault at all. He felt like he couldn't protect him enough and now that it was his own fault that has Jack crying, he feels like he failed life at this point. So, he decided to only make food and hope that Jack would be hungry enough that he would walk downstairs and into the kitchen to eat and to at least hear his apology.

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