The Fault in our Scars - Ashton Irwin

Chapter 3

Ashton's little brother ran out of the house as soon as we pulled up. Ash got out of the car and was almost knocked over by the force of the 10 year olds hug.

"Hey Harry. How's it going?" I saw a small flash of the old Ashton come back when his brother was around. They walked in the house, hand in hand, as Harry told Ashton all about his day at school. I walked in after them and sat down at the dining room table, and couldn't help but smile when I saw Ashton's whole family,  including the other band members, gathered around a huge feast.

"Ashton, honey, I made your favorite! Spaghetti!" His mom lit up when she spoke to him. All the boys, including Ashton, let out a laugh. As we ate Luke turned to Ashton and said, "John called me earlier today. We have an appearance on that morning talk show scheduled in three days, and he wants to know if he should cancel the gig."

The table went silent. Ashton thought for a while before saying, "No. That's exactly where I need to be. Let's play the best show we've done yet."

The boys celebrated and I lit up with hope as I saw Ashton coming back together, piece by piece. I was helping clean up after dinner when Ashton's mom caught me in the kitchen.

"How is he? He seems to be acting like nothing's wrong, I thought he'd moved on from the cutting thing. I'm worried about him." She whispered so we wouldn't be heard by everyone in the next room.

"He hasn't really been talking much. He just sleeps, in the dark, by himself. I feel like he's pulling away from me. I hope being back on stage with the support from the fans will help get him back to normal."

It was almost midnight by the time Luke, Calum and Michael left. Ashton, his mum, his siblings, and I sat in the den.

"Ash, are you ready to get going soon? It's getting late." I asked.

"If you don't mind, I kinda want to sleep in my old room. I wanna be back home with my family. It feels like years since I've been back home." This wasn't his home anymore. We had a home together, I was his home.

"Uhm, okay... I'll head out then. Call me tomorrow when you wake up. I love you." He stood up and gave me a kiss goodbye before walking me to the front door.

I woke up alone the next morning and checked my phone for a missed call from Ash. No missed calls, no texts, no tweets. It was almost noon. I panicked. I called his phone and was sent to voicemail. Had he done it this time? I called his mom next and my call was answered after the first ring. Before I could even say a word, she assured me she had checked on Ashton twice in the last hour, that he was still alive, sleeping safely in his bed. I could breathe again.

I got out of bed and walked around our room. Pictures of us were framed on our dresser, years of memories that seemed like they were seen through different eyes. I sent Ashton a text and hoped it was the first thing he saw when he woke: Goodmorning love. I hope you're feeling well today. I wish I could wake up next to you. I love you.

I went into our living room, where Ashton's drum kit sat in the corner, guitars were strewn about, stacks of video games he shared with Michael sat on the coffee table and I was overwhelmed with longing for the people we used to be. I hadn't realized how far apart we'd drifted apart in the last few weeks. He had been gone on tour and I had been working so much we barely had time to talk, not to mention he was always in a different timezone. We used to go to bars and drink too much and I'd hold his hand as we stumbled down the streets, laughing so hard I had to stop to catch my breath. I was determined to get those memories back to reality.

I went to take a shower and get ready for my shift at work when I stopped, frozen in the doorway to the bathroom where I almost saw my boyfriend take his own life. Someone had come in and clean up the mess he made while he was staying the the hospital. I hadn't left his side at the hospital once, and hadn't stopped to think about the pool of blood still laying on our bathroom floor. I was brought to tears to think that someone cared enough about us to come in and clean that horrible scene, so neither of us would have to be reminded of that night.  No matter how hard I thought about it, I couldn't imagine how a boy with so many people who adored him could ever want to leave that behind.

After I was showered and presentable enough to go into work, I stepped out into the hallway and stood in front of the elevator, pressing the down arrow button until the doors opened. I stepped in the elevator, as our neighbor from the unit next door, a fragile old lady who's expensive perfume fogged up entire hallway after she walked by, asked how Ashton was doing. I was caught off guard, I hadn't previously spoken to her, even after living two units down for almost a year now.

"I heard about what happened. It's all over the morning news. That's some boy you've got, all those girls camped outside have been crying for him. How's he doing?" The tiny old lady seemed genuinely concerned. I assured her that Ashton was doing just fine, and thanked her for her concern. The elevator let us out in the lobby, and as I walked out into the street, the fans the old lady mentioned came up to me asking for an update on Ash's condition. The paparazzi pushed them out of the way and began to snap pictures and started asking millions of questions. I don't know how the boys ever got used to this. I was just a waitress from a small town in America, not a celebrity. I just wanted to get in my car away from all the strangers interested in my very personal life.

When I left work later that night, I thought I'd stop by Ashton's moms in the suburbs. Ash's younger sister, Lauren, let me in and led me to his room. I opened the door and the room was pitch black, except for a small flame coming from one of Ash's signature vanilla candles on the bedside table. I flipped on the light and saw him sitting on his bed, pieces of paper balled up and scattered everywhere. He looked up at me and stared.

"Why'd you turn the light on? I was busy." His voice was quiet and shaky. I walked over to his bed and sat down next to him.

"What are you writing, love?" It was obvious he was in his head, turning his thoughts into songs. I started to unfold the paper balls and read the words between the scribbles. He watched as I read, blown away by the way he put his feelings into words.

"These are really good, Ash-" my words caught in my throat when I saw him staring at me, tears rolling down his cheeks. I put my hand on his face and wiped his tears with my thumb. I leaned in slowly to kiss him, like it was our first time. As I pulled my face from his, I felt his warm, wet tears on my lips. He was full on sobbing now. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled his head into the curve of my neck. We sat like this until he finished crying, and I got up to turn out the light. I laid next to him and played with his curls until he fell asleep.

 QUICK BLURB FROM MOLLIE: props to my bff oliviugh for my perfectly imperfect cover art! Her wattpad username is bargainbrand and she writes some bomb ass stories. Her current work, "unexpected" is a luke fanfic and my favorite so far! SHARE COMMENT AND VOTE! Thanks for reading, ILY.