Ashton and I left the recording studio later that night, hand-in-hand, laughing the entire walk from the door to the back seat of the car that was waiting for the five of us. We decided to have a night out with the boys like we used to before they left for tour. As the car pulled up in front of the bar we frequented almost every weekend last summer, Michael jumped out before we even stopped, running to the door to meet his girlfriend Sara, who he hadn't seen since the boys came home last week. Sara and I had become pretty good friends, hanging out backstage at the local shows and traveling to meet the boys around the world. She was gorgeous: tall, tan, brunette, edgy enough for Mikey but with a good head on her shoulders to calm him down. She was the only friend I had who understood what it was like to be apart from someone you loved for such long periods of time.
Luke and Calum pushed and shoved each other out of the car next, Luke letting out a yell when Cal punched his bicep. Ashton and I sat in the backseat laughing at the boys antics. He stopped laughing when the boys were in the street and turned to look at me. He put his hand behind my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. He pulled away after a few minutes and grabbed my hand, dragging me out of the car and into the crowded bar.
By the time we left the bar it was almost 2 am, and after 40 missed calls on each boys phone from band mom Liz, we decided it was time to leave. Each one of us had one too many drinks, and we all found it hard to walk back to the car. The driver opened the doors for us, and helped picked Luke up from off the curb. I swear that boy can't handle his liquor.
As the driver pulled in front of our building, Ashton grabbed my hand in his.
"Please be there tomorrow. I really don't think I can do it without you," he said, "I couldn't do any of this without you." I kissed him goodnight and promised I'd be at the show, watching from backstage just a few feet away. I said my goodbyes to the boys and hugged Sara goodnight across Mikey's body laid out across her lap.
"Have fun waking them up tomorrow morning," I said to her as I half-jumped, half-stumbled out of the backseat and onto the curb. I blew a kiss to the boys as the car pulled away. I staggered crookedly past the doorman who laughed under his breath. I hadn't been this drunk in a while, and it felt good to let go after all that had happened. The elevator doors opened and I walked inside, leaning against the mirrored walls, where I caught my reflection. I looked so tired, so worn down and sad. I guess I spent all my time worrying about Ashton that I didn't have time to worry about myself. The elevator finally made it's way up to the 23rd floor, and I (barely) stepped out before the doors closed again. I made it to our bedroom and collapsed on our bed. Ashton's side of our California king sized bed was still ruffled from the last time he slept there, his pillow smelled like him, and there were crumbs in the sheets from where he ate in bed, which I hated. I checked my phone one last time before passing out, making sure to set an alarm so I'd be on time for the show tomorrow morning.
My alarm went off the next morning at 5am, right on time to shower quickly and get ready before meeting the boys backstage preshow. I was exhausted from the night before and decided to skip the shower. I pressed the snooze button to catch 9 extra minutes of sleep. When I woke again, it was 6:13. I was already 45 minutes late.
"SHIT!" I yelled and jumped out of bed, threw on my clothes from the night before, threw my hair up in a messy bun on top of my head and ran out of the apartment. I moved as quickly as I could, trying to ignore the massive headache I had from all the alcohol last night. The morning rush hour was in full motion, making it almost impossible to find an available cab. Finally one stopped and I practically yelled the address at the driver. I unlocked my phone and dialed Ashton's number, hoping he wouldn't be pissed. It rang and rang, and I was sent to his voicemail. I dialed again, no answer. The boys were set to perform at 7, maybe they were doing a soundcheck? I called Luke next, who answered after the first ring.
"You need to get here, NOW." was all he said before the call ended. The driver could sense my panic and tried to weave his way through the morning traffic. It was 6:52 by the time I got to the studio. I paid the driver and threw open the cab door, hoping Ashton was ok. I hurried to the front desk where the receptionist told me I could find the boys. As the elevator came down to the lobby, I tapped my foot and constantly checked my texts, hoping for an update on the cryptic message I got from Luke before he so quickly hung up. I stepped in the elevator and pressed the 3 button, and jammed the "close door" button until I was finally on my way up. As soon as the elevator doors opened Michael and Calum came outside of their dressing room and grabbed my arm. Before I could ask what was going on, they dragged me into the room where Ashton was having a full on mental breakdown, and Luke was trying to calm him down.
"Don't bring her in here. She did this. All I asked of you this whole time was to be there for me this morning and you couldn't even do that," he was in hysterics, sobbing through his words and throwing things around. "Get out, Mollie. I don't want to see you in here. I'm serious. You did this to me. You broke me. Get. Out. "
I stood speechless for a minute, not believing what was happening. I watched as Ashton screamed and threw one of the speakers to the ground. Luke pleaded for him to calm down, and Calum stood with his hand over his mouth, taking in the madness. I could've sworn Mikey had tears in his eyes as he led me out of the room. He pressed the down arrow for the elevator and whispered "I'm sorry," then disappeared back into the dressing room. I could still hear Ashton's screaming sobs. I felt numb. I walked like a zombie through the studio lobby until I was in the backseat of another cab, when I finally broke down. Ashton was clearly sick, and all I wanted was to help him. Except he didn't want my help. He had just told me I was the reason for all of this.
I laid in bed and clung to Ashton's pillows, soaking them in my tears. This pain now was worse than it was the night I found him on the floor, almost dead. At least then I knew he'd still be there. Now he was gone.
Mollie blurb: MY GOD I got back from seeing 5sos in Chicago a week ago tonight! I saw Ash at the airport and he smiled and waved at me. Still not over it. They were amazing live. Ugh. Best night ever. Also I worked in my best friend Sara as Mikey's girlfriend, duh. Follow her on the twitter (@cliffordsktten) and as always follow me as well (@lukecumberhemmo). Please let me know what you think, whether you like it or you don't, it's cool either way. Vote and comment if you do like it! I'll have Chapter 6 up soon! (:
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The Fault in our Scars - Ashton Irwin
Fanfic"How do you take these beautiful, fragile pieces and put them back together to create the masterpiece that once was?"
