I Know || Reddie FanFic

XXXII

"Look in that mirror, Edward." Eddies mom stood behind him, off to the side abit with her hands on his shoulders. "You look so handsome." Eddies hair was slicked back, not in the usual way, but in a 50s sexy gentleman way.

He didn't really know what he thought of it, he thought it made him look older. Look too much like him. This is how he wore his hair, his stupid salt and pepper hair.

"You look just like your father." She choked back tears, and turned Eddie to face her. Eddie hesitated, like my father, he couldn't even remember what he looked like aside from pictures, not many memories stood out to him either. He could be okay with that though. He didn't remember anything about his father. "You know... when you were little, on Sunday mornings, your dad used to wake you up and take you on rides on his motorcycle. I remember seeing your tiny little face pressed against the back of his worn leather jacket, smiling so big, I was so scared of that image. Your father always insisted I was too protective over you." Her hand cupped his face and she smiled lopsidedly. "Maybe he was right."

"Leather jacket..." Eddies voice trailed off. He didn't really remember his dad riding a motorcycle, or taking him for rides, but the smell of worn and weathered leather was something that brought him a sense of comfort and liveliness, it was how Richie smelled too. Richie made him feel... alive. "I'm sorry, mom. I don't really remember."

"I know, baby. You were very young. There was a lot of trauma that went on around that time." She muttered. "Do you remember how he passed..." she questioned. His death was not something they ever really discussed, maybe that was why he couldn't remember much about his dad.

"Yeah..." Eddie said calmly and thought to himself. "I remember being in the hospital with you, waiting in the waiting room. I remember seeing dad on the hospital bed, a tube down his throat. The heart monitor was going so slow." He hated that this was the only prominent memory that stood out. Seeing his dad practically dead in a hospital bed, machines making his body work. "It was... liver cancer? Right?" Eddie asked for clarification. His mom just nodded. "They caught it too late... I remember bringing him orange juice and breakfast in bed in the mornings. I remember that everyday he ate less and less, until he couldn't eat at all."

All the memories he had of his dad were sad. He was diagnosed just two weeks after Eddies sixth birthday. "Hold on tight, Eddie!" The rumble of a motor filled Eddies senses and a quick rush of cold morning air hit his face. Fear filled his stomach for but a moment, where it was then replace by exhilaration. The feeling of being alive was so addicting to the small boy, with the wind in his face, watching his dad pass cars and people on the road, nothing between them except a painted line that only has meaning because the constructs of society said it does... this is what being alive felt like. Not just living... the feeling of being alive came from more than simple experiences of life, eating, drinking, clothes shopping, sleeping... it was the excitement of potential death that really made living worth it in the first place. Strange for a five year old boy to know and understand this idea.

"I remember one ride... two days after dad was diagnosed." Eddie teared up. It all happened so fast. "Before things got bad." Crash! Glass flying everywhere, his heart had stopped in that moment as he was thrown into an area of very tall grass along with his father. They were lucky. He hadn't been going fast, just under 20 miles an hour. Eddie has asked if he was going to die, causing his dad to lose control of the motorcycle and crash into a small ditch of tall cushiony grass. There were some scrapes and bruises, but nothing serious. Even with the near death experience, he still wasn't fearful, that weathered leather stayed in his senses and kept him calm. He sat in the grass and stared at his father as he fawned over him and his small cuts and bruises. "You were so mad at him..." Eddie whispered.

"I was scared. I almost lost you both."

"We were fine. I was fine." He muttered. "I remember hearing you guys yell back and forth. I was so angry that you could talk to him like that, he was sick and dying and you still-" he cut off and sighed. "I remember mom."

"I know." She said simply. Indicating that the conversation was done. "Let's go, I'm sure all you're friends are waiting for you."

"You wanted to erase him..." Eddie mumbled, ignoring his mom. She stopped and glared at him.

"Excuse me?" Her voice came weak and surprised. Eddie faced away from her.

"You never talked about him after he died. You invited Jamie into our lives so that you- you could replace him." He paused, trying to swallow his anger. "You wanted the memory of him to disappear, but you know what? I notice that's a pattern in Derry isn't it? Forgetting? Apathy? You didn't care about him. You still don't."

"Eddie," she warned. "Stop this right now."

"No, I'm not going to stop mom. We finally talk about him after eleven years and the moment I mention your part in all this, you want to stop. Your self-"

"I said stop it! Don't be so stupid all the time!" She screamed at him. Eddies mouth snapped shut as every memory flashed through his mind at once. Not this time, Mother. A soft smile spread across his freckled face, today is prom, nothing is going to get him down. "Let's go." She huffed angrily and grabbed his wrist, yanking him out the door. The smile never once leaving his handsome excited face.

Nothing was going to ruin tonight. Tonight was his night.