anonymous love simkus

ikigai

ikigai is a concept that means "a reason for being" it refers to having a direction or purpose in life, that which makes one's life worthwhile, and towards which an individual takes spontaneous and willing actions giving them satisfaction and a sense of  meaning in life
(生き甲斐

when i think of ikigai

i think of you, as my ikigai

it feels like you are my direction and purpose in life

you make me feel like this has all been worth it

you can make me do spontaneous things

if you needed a heart donor

i would be first in line to give mine up for you

i know that sounds dark and sappy

but its true

i know you don't know me cause we have never talked

i wouldn't be surprised if you didn't know my name

but its all okay

 i wouldn't mind

i'd like to meet you and get to know you for the first time

you give me the satisfaction

you give my life meaning

exactly one week later i walk up to my locker to find another letter in my locker. clean, simple, and still no sender. 

i read it over a few times and feel my face heat up. i'm really falling over an anonymous writer who is proclaiming their love for me.

i walk into history yet again and stare at the blond sitting on the opposite side of the room. he's looking out the window and sketching two birds that are sitting on a wire. the drawing is simple yet beautiful.

the simplistic birds just seem happy despite it being a drawing with no indication of emotions. there is a hint of color that brushes the lines. it gives the drawing such life.

i start to fantasize that this mystery kid is the one who is writing these letters. i imagine that one day he signs his name and i confront him in history. he tells me to meet him after class behind the school. i wait for the class to end and i walk to the back of the school. i see him there and we talk. he confesses to the letters and we share a passionate kiss.

but of course that is just a fantasy. there is no such thing as happy endings. this is all just gonna end up being some preppy girl on the cheer leading squad.

i sigh at the hopeless thought and turn my gaze to the teacher. maybe this can be like on of those fanfics where the teacher assigns us to be partners and in a twist of fate we fall in love.

but its not and we are just taking notes again. i find myself staring at mystery boy throughout the lesson and i leave it completely lost and hopeless, in history

and in life