drowning | ruel van dijk

fourteen

RUEL

"you've got to be kidding me!"

i mount off my bike and take a look at the front tire.

just as i suspected: flat.

i was only able to get halfway to the beach before a stupid rock punctured my tire. great, off all times to get a flat tire, today is not the day.

now i'm going to be late.

annoyed, i give up trying to ride with a flat tire and decide to just drag my bike the rest of the way to the beach.

it's not ideal, but it will have to do. i can't miss seeing kate.

during the walk, the same thought keeps popping up in my mind: you need to tell kate who you really are; that you are famous.

you need to tell her... before you ruin something.

just tell her who you really are.

and more importantly, tell her that you like her.

—————

KATE

i probably look like a complete idiot with my mouth open in shock and my eyes trying to look anywhere but at owen.

"actually, you really shouldn't be surprised", owen continues cooley. "i mean, i thought you'd heard me in the hallway,"

his hand is still placed on my shoulder, and even though i try to shrug it away, it doesn't move even an inch.

flashbacks swarm my head and ring in my ears like a loud scream.

"i said no, owen. no. no. no."

the same word takes over my mind as i finally break away from owen's grasp. turning back around to face the ocean, i try and recollect myself.

usually the beach is a safe place for me; a place where ruel and i can just relax and talk and have fun.

but right now, the beach makes me feel the exact opposite: like i'm drowning, like i can't seem to breathe or come up for air.

not even a minute later, i feel owen try and touch me again, but like lightning i snap back.

"don't you dare touch me." i try and make my voice as powerful and confident as possible, but i'm not sure if it's working.

owen hesitates.

"don't you dare touch me," i repeat again, fighting tears as i try and give owen the deadliest of death stares.

he continues to stay silent, and i contemplate fleeing back home.

but ruel... ruel will be waiting for me at the beach. i need to stay.

"gaining confidence, i see," owen finally says, almost impressed. his body language, on the other hand, tells me otherwise, so i don't consider it a complement.

"it actually shouldn't be a surprise," i mock owen's words, my body shaking as i take steps backwards to move away from him. "i'm a lot different than who i was last year".

owen raises an eyebrow at me, and takes steps closer, trying to lessen the distance between us.

"oh really," he replies sarcastically. "i think i still know you".

since the time i felt owen's hands on my shoulder, my heart has been racing and my hands have been shaking and my mind has been running a million miles a minute.

but just at this moment, everything falls still. it feels like even the wind whipping through my hair has subsided.

inside me, it feels like a switch has been flipped, or that i've finally reached the surface.

i'm not drowning anymore.

i'm done with drowning.

"oh please" i say with an eye roll. my confidence is real now. "does it look like i give a crap anymore? i could care less. i bet your ass is just jealous about all the bullshit that comes out of your mouth," i spit words to owen's face, all the while holding up my middle finger and walking away.

and i don't look back. i just start walking.

or maybe i just start swimming, because it seems like i've finally stopped drowning.

now that i think about it, ever since ruel spoke to me during summer —which has felt like a lifetime ago— i've changed.

saving ruel had actually saved myself.

i'm not the same person i was a year ago; maybe even 5 minutes ago.

and you know what? i'm really liking the girl i am now.

the girl i am now has finally left owen in the sand.

all she needs to do now is find a better guy who sees her the same way she sees herself.

and i think she already knows who that is...

—————

ayy hello again! i cant believe we're almost at 2k reads!!! that shit's crazy. 

anyways... the story's gettin juicy... still haven't decided on an ending yet, but we'll get there.

oh and also: my birthday is tomorrow!!! just thought i'd mention that lol. 

remember to stay safe (practice social distancing etc.) and you can re-read my story while your "quarantined".

okay that's it, see you next thursday!