drowning | ruel van dijk

seventeen

KATE

when you're young, the world seems scary. you're most likely worrying about the possibility of monsters under your bed or afraid of something like the ocean because you can't see your legs from above the water.

although as time moves forward, most of these fears dissolve. you can finally go to sleep without checking under your bed before you turn out the lights. and you can finally swim without having the fear of sinking under the water.

but perception... perception was always something i constantly worried about.

would people like me if i wore this?

how did my hair look? did it make my face look weird?

would my crush notice me if i put on more makeup?

all throughout middle school —even up until this past summer— i would feel the need to check my appearance or hide behind some invisible wall that wasn't even my real self.

all these thoughts flow through my mind as i sit next to ruel on the barren beach, but they stop short as i'm brought back to reality.

ruel plays for me more of his original songs, his voice softly filling my ears as he sings along to the lyrics he's probably rehearsed a million times before.

i find myself looking at him as his eyes flutter closed when he sings one of his singles he says is titled "real thing".

once he finishes, we both sit in silence; but not really in silence since the wind still whistles and the waves still crash against the shore. this place —this beach— has really become our safe place.

"i really like that one. the song, i mean," i mumble, not even sure if ruel heard me.

"me too".

out of nowhere, like an invisible force pulling me, i stand up, brush off the sand sticking to my legs, and walk towards the ocean.

i hear ruel behind me, confused. "what are you doing?" he says, following me. it doesn't take long before he steps into stride next to me, his hand brushing against my wrist.

i take a big step into the water, and it swallows up my knees. good thing i wore shorts today.

ruel stays back, watching me carefully.

"i'm living," i finally tell him.

ruel pauses at first, but then joins me within the crisp waves. "you might need to be more specific," he states, a boyish grin tugging at his lips.

am i staring at his lips?

"i'm skipping school, standing in the ocean at 11 in the morning, feeling happier than i ever have, with a really tall boy".

"that seems to be my only characteristic," ruel replies with a small laugh.

"maybe to other people. not to me, though," i say back, standing on my tiptoes to try and match ruel's height.

he laughs again, playfully pushing down on my shoulders. i almost topple over along with the waves that crash against my thighs, but ruel is there to hold me steady. like always.

"ruel is more than just tall. ruel is talented," i begin, as the boy in front of me pretends to be flattered.

"ruel is talented. ruel is... goofy, but still someone i can always count on. an inspiration. a person i never thought i would meet. ruel is someone i saved, but also someone who saved me," i continue.

ruel slowly drops his hands from up upon my shoulders to down against my arms. he starts to say something, but i daringly put a finger against his lips to quiet him.

"but most importantly, ruel might possibly be the only guy i'd ever want to..." my words trail off.

kiss.

although my finger gradually moves away from ruel's lips, my eyes can't help but glance at the place where my finger once was. i feel my chest rise and the butterflies in my stomach take flight.

"ever want to what?" ruel questions, even though i'm dead sure he knows; by the look in his own eyes and the way he begins to close the space between us, he most certainly knows.

without breaking away from ruel's gaze, i take a small step closer too, my chest possibly touching him if i were to move the slightest bit more.

even though i only say the word in barely a whisper, it feels like i've screamed it across the ocean and farther.

"kiss".

without hesitation, one of ruel's hands slides down to my waist, whilst the other flutters against the space between my ear and my lips; underneath this touch, an almost tingly sensation flows throughout my skin.

as he swiftly pulls my body to press against his, my breath hitches and at the moment i don't care about anything else but being right here, right now, held close to ruel.

the boy brings my face even closer to his own. "you're the only girl i'd ever want to kiss too," he breathes against my forehead.

i'm about to reply, but when ruel lowers his head and meets my lips, my words are left behind along with the rest of everything else in the world, and i drown in him.

this is the good kind of drowning, though.

his lips are soft, gentle, against mine as i glide my hands through his now messy hair.

wanting more, i grab his face, and pull him closer to me, if it's even possible considering we're already touching.

before deepening the kiss, ruel breaks away for a split second to catch his breath. already, i miss the feeling of his lips against mine, but i realize that i've been holding my breath too.

this time, when ruel leans back into me more passionately, he tries to meet my lips but misses slightly, basically kissing my nose.

as though we're in sync, we both open our eyes at the same time and laugh. ruel's breath is warm against my face and i don't want to ever have to leave.

even though we must look so stupid —being two teenagers pressed up against each other in the middle of the ocean— i don't care; all of this might not look so perfect to others, but again, i don't care.

whether perfect or imperfect, all i want is to be held close to ruel.

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phew, only took me 17 chapters to get the kiss, geez i write too much!

i love you all, thanks for supporting me! we're almost at 3k reads, woah that's a lot. i never expected this. okie until next thursday!