A guy , a big box of a man .Kylo , he who those who see him cower with fear as they shake in their air force 1s. Kylo was a man of many talents : like 9 till 5 fitness sessions for those in need of being one with the horse (brian). Aussi he always uses the dust from the heavens to keep his bouffant in tact , other wise BOOM!!!!!!! the force would dissipate . Once upon a time the dark shadow of Mr Ren trailed down Scunthorpe avenue awaiting for a ginger chav to appear . Hux .Bux.dux what a lad a 2foot 7 midget giant with a great bushy beard and a clean shaven face ran towards Kylo. Whilst respiring he pulled out of his pocket that clean fresh o hare air (which he stole from the NHS seconds earlier to prepare for his dodgy dealings as the batwaedo retardo virus which was afoot) "More!!!!!!" Kylo squeaked as Gordon ramseys lanb sauce poured itself all of the ginger dude . Trembling in horror Hux knew not to question his boxiness so he fled back into the night to talk to Cy whose just the o hare delivery guy . "Cereal bar"Kylo whispered he needed it !!he craved it !!he swore on the count of monti cristos life he would succeed in getting air clean air .
Tick tock what was this ?? it was 10 oclock he had 5 minutes precisely before he wanted to hear the pingity pin drop !!!!!!!!!oh no victors back?????? Kylo grew red in anger what a **** Frustrated and ready for battle he strode towards the 95 year old man and unleashed the mighty boxiness of Kylo Ren Master of the knights of Ren Ben Solo on him . His red lightsaber sizzeled as victors body was no longer in tact . A triumphant facial expression appeared on his face he killed the son of a monkey!!!!!!!!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee whats this ????? a skeggy chain implanted into the side of kylos abdomin with a M1903 Springfield .30 Cal Rifle attached . Who would dare harm this godly god of boxiness. ??
Only one would dare ...
Jesus Christs right hand man GRETA THUMBURGER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh no he skirted around a bush and did the Macarena backwards upside down and sideways until Gretas earthly thermometer shook and stabbed her in the Gluteus Maximus . Great scott!!!!!!! Greta can go dig her hole . Kylo did it but he realised something an epiphany was had .
I guess everyones right he's just a boxy boy
As you know hes been through alot these past six days five minutes twenty seven and a half seconds
And if hes learnt anything during that time , Its that you are who you are . And no amount of ginger midgets or pins from 95 year old men who talk to stuffed ravens or some other third thing can make him anything more than what he really is inside : A box
But thats okay
Because he did what everyone said a box couldn't do. He made it to retardya and he beat victor von doom and he rode cys delivery truck and brought back his UNNECESSARILY LARGE LIGHTSABER!!!!!!!!
So yh he is a box and hes also a mongole and hes also a specialton and obtuse and edwardo retardo But most of all hes
Hes
KYLO ******* REN
