Vent book...

3-19-20

I hate this book...and if you read this. Don't blame yourself! It isn't you! It's the trauma from my past that has me like this..im sorry

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You know...i forget... I forget that they have a life...that they don't need me as I need them.

What they don't know is that they are all I have...literally. Without them, I have no one...no one to talk to, no one to call with, no one to do anything with...im all alone without them.

I guess that's why it hurts so much yeah? That's why all these thoughts in my head pop up when they take a bit to respond and or leave me on read...

All these thoughts...

- they are ignoring you!

- your so clingy!

-god you need a life!

-they're not going to be there all the time!

-grow up your crying like a child!

-your so unhealthy!

-see that they don't want to talk to you!

-your just so fucking toxic!

-oh boo, look at that they're fading!

-LOOK DONT YOU SEE!! THEY DONT CARE!!! THEY WILL DRIFT AWAY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE! NO ONE!! AND I MEAN ONE HAS EVER STAYED WITH YOU! DONT YOU SEE IT! EVERYONE WILL ALWAYS LEAVE YOU! AND YOU JUST WATCH!! YOU DONT DO ANYTHING BUT CRY OVER IT!!! HELL YOUR THE ONE FORCING EVERYONE AWAY! I MEAN DID YOU REALLY THINK THEY LIKED YOU?! NO!!!!! THEY ONLY PUT UP WITH YOUR WEIRD BULLSHIT BECAUSE THEY LIKE YOU OUT OF PITY!!! THAT'S WHY ANYONE DOES ANYTHING WITH YOU!!!!!

YOU STUPID LITTLE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!! I HATE ME!!!! I FUCKING HATE ME!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DIE!!! YOUR JUST A WASTE OF SPACE IM NOTHING!!!!!! I'D TELL MYSELF TO GO KILL MYSELF BUT I FAILED AT THAT TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT!!!!!