Vent book...

5-5-20

The fact that I have to have this conversation with myself.

Okay...

What's wrong?

I'm not doing enough

Not doing enough? How and where?

I need to help them more...i need to be there and I need to do something!!

We can't do anything...

What do you mean!? We need to put ourselves aside to help them and and...do anything! If we do the paper work, and with the right people we could win over custody!

But do they want that?

What?

*sigh* look...its okay to want to help...to help in anyway you can. But you can not disregard yourself, no matter the person. They do not want you to destroy yourself for them. Yes...we may be damaged, but that doesn't mean we know everything.

I don't...understand. We are doing just fine we can-

I'm going to stop you right there. We are not fine. We are not okay. Our body is putting out a physical call for help.

Physical!? How so?

We...have been in so much more pain. Our body achs when nothing should be wrong. Yesterday we broke out in bumps like from two years ago...when we wake up from any type of sleep. We are not okay!

...

We need to take some time...

But I don't want to stop talking to them

And we don't have too. We don't have to stop. But...stop trying to do things that are impossible. See it how it is. We are 16 living all the way across a huge chuck of land. I know we want to win custody and take them away but...we are merely and damaged 16 year old who has no clue what they are doing.

...okay...but what if something happens. What if, we could have done something. What if they get hurt what if they hurt themselves! And we could have done something!!

I assure you that we are doing everything we can! I assure you of that...we are not leaving them. If something does happen we will be right there to help them. I know and you know, that in a situation of there life over ours, we would take ours no second thought but...right now is not that situation.

But...they aren't hurting us! What if they believe they are?

Your right. They Are NOT hurting us...we are hurting ourselves by trying to do the impossible

...

Right now, how can we help them, if we can't even help ourselves.

...your right...the last thing we want is to break in front of them...

Right, so...stop acting as if you know everything. We don't and that's okay...instead. Be there to listen when ever they need it...it will be, okay.