love letters [completed]

januray 2, 2018

dear hyunjin,

hey, it's been years. how have you been? it's the new year, i hope you spend it well, what are your new years resolutions? i didn't make any, but i'm sure that doesn't come as a surprise to you

after 3 years, i'm finally doing it, i finally plucked up the courage to write to you. and i don't know if you know, but i really did try contacting you. every damn day, until i finally convinced myself this was your way of erasing me from your memories.

i hope you're genuinely happy right now, you deserve all the happiness the word has to offer...i hope you have that now.

sometimes i think back to all those rainy days, and it brings me warmth. do you still think of me like i think of you? and a question i never got to ask. were you as head over heels back then as i was for you?

hah, probably not, cause i was so head over heals for you. and even after all these years, i still think about you. i wonder i far we could've gone if only i'd stay, if only you told me to stay, i would've.

where would be now? and what would we have become? i wish i could find the answers, but fate had other plans.

heh, fate. probably never thought you'd hear me say that word in that context. but i was naive 3 years ago, and i know more now.

i saw your instagram, you look so happy. i don't think i ever told you this but your smile was really cute. and your laugh, oh my god your laugh was like angels singing.

who are your friends you always post with? they look nice. i always like your posts, but you probably never notice it, what? cause of your thousands of fans.

i'm really happy though. i'm glad you ended up dropping out and pursuing the thing you loved so much. and you were such a good dancer and still are. but you don't need me to tell you that

god i don't even know where this is going. but did you purposely not answer my messages? or did you get a new phone? or block me? i really want to know.

i saw you with that photo of a girl, you were holding on to her to tightly. and she's beautiful, way prettier than me, and she looks so nice. i'm so glad you moved on from me, if feelings there even existed. oh my god i just realized how petty that sounds, i'm truly happy for you. and i hope you know it. tell your new girl i think she's gorgeous and her smile is beautiful.

i want to ask you. do you remember that week we spent together? all those small 'dates' we went on. cause i do, everyday. there isn't a single day i go by without remembering something about those days. and it honestly sucks, cause i can't be like you, and move on.

i want to explain to you, really, what all those small excursions felt like, to me. and you probably don't care, and that's ok. i don't expect you to if you're trying to erase me from your memory

i hope you have a happy new year, i miss you everyday and i wish the best for you in life

~y/n