love letters [completed]

march 21, 2018

i sealed up the last letter, i licked the envelope and sealed it tightly. i stacked the rest of the letters and tied them up with a small ribbon.

i placed them gingerly in a bubble mailer and sealed it. i wrote hyunjins address, that i can remember and placed a few stamps.

i walked from my desk and into the kitchen. i set the mailer on the counter so i could put it in the mail box first thing in the morning.

~

next morning i rushed to get dressed and eat some breakfast. i snatched the mailer before running out the door and locking it. i shoved the letters into the mail box and left for work.

living in shanghai was a nice change. plus, it felt nice to leave all my past behind me, all the hurt i felt and the bad feelings were left in korea.

but i left behind someone i didn't want to, and it took me so long to get my life back together. i wish all the time that i could go back in time and reverse my actions.

~

two days later, the morning of march 23rd, 2018, saturday. i woke up early, who knows why. i ate breakfast and did whatever you do on a saturday morning after working the late hours all week.

i stepped outside to get some fresh air, knowing i'd go back into hibernation soon. the delivery man came by and held up some mail. i walked over to collect it and he left with a small wave. i walked back to my door while sifting through the envelopes, when a certain envelope caught me eye.

not white like the rest of the bills and junk mail. it was light blue with some cute doodles on the front. i turned it around to see who it was from, y/n l/n right in the middle. in the top left corner, hwang hyunjin.

——

"see ya guys" i said to the boys as some of them left to go visit their families. it was the day before our debut stage and we were all very restless. it was decided that we would all visit our family, but since my parents lived in seoul that was easy.

i had the manager drive me to my parents home. after a little bit we arrived shortly. i hoped out and greater my parents and kkami happily as he jumped around excitedly.

i walked into the kitchen at the smell of food attracted me. i looked around to see my mom cooking a bunch of food for us. she turned around and smiled at me before looking over to a large mailer on the counter.

i eyed it and looked back at her, "what's this?"

"i don't know, it's addressed to you...i'm sure an old friend who doesn't know you don't live here anymore"

i looked at it again before walking over and picking it up. 'a chinese address? '. i think the whole universe stopped. my head started going crazy and my heart was practically pounding out of my chest.

"y/n l/n..." tsk tsk i say under my breath. i take the package to my room and set my bag down near the door. i walked to my bed and sat on the edge. i carefully opened the package, a bunch of envelopes spilled out.

i picked them up one by one, there were 7 in total. all with a different date in pretty handwriting. i took the first letter, the one with the date farthest back, january 2, 2018, read the back of the letter.

i opened it, cautious to keep it in nice condition. i read down each letter 4 or 5 times over and over again. i couldn't wrap my head around that she'd written these, her hand and written these letters with her pen or her paper.

i was shocked, surprised. 'i thought you hated my guts y/n...' i thought. my thoughts were loudly interrupted to my mom calling for dinner. i stuffed the letters back in the mailer and walked out to eat.

after eating i sat down at my old desk in my room. filled with late night studying and pondering what my future. who knew that i'd end up where i am now.

"does she know about me being an idol?" i thought aloud. 'does she know i ended up giving up that job for my dream...? i told her about it...and she remembered everything i told her'.

i grabbed a piece of lined paper from who knows where and a random pen laying on my desk that was almost dried of ink. i wrote the date and started the letter off simply, dear y/n.

i tapped my pen on my desk, thinking about what i could possibly write back to her. i started to scribbled down all my thoughts, i poured out all the regret and resentment from 3 years ago into that letter. it was almost 3 pages long. i sealed it and tired to copy down the address from her letter.

i put it in the mail box as soon as i got some stamps. i looked up at the sky, the stars were twinkling, not a cloud in the sky. the moon as shinning brightly. i thought how we could both be looking at the same moon right now and it made me smile.

i cant bring the past back and change my actions and regrets. so i must be content now.

—

i tore open the letter like my life depended on it, it started, dear y/n