love letters [completed]

february 26, 2018

dear hyunjin,

ok, this is just ridiculous at this point. cause every. single. day i think about you, you're always on my mind. god that's cheesy, gross. i wonder how you're doing it, i wonder what i'm even doing.

wasting my time writing love letters to a boy from 3 years ago that still has my heart. not healthy y/n, tsk tsk.

sometimes, i wish my life was like an old film. where the main female protagonist is separated from her male counterpart. but some how, somewhere they meet again. but i know that's pretty far fetched

august 8, 2015

honestly, i don't remember much from that day. from what i can remember we just hung out at your place watching movies all day again because the rain was so heavy.

i miss those cold nights. how can i become yo attached to something like that, i'd only known you for 4 days at that point. but it feels like that event, sitting on your couch watching movies and cuddling close was a deep memory.

but it only happened twice, but twice was enough for me. love is powerful, and it's been years but i can't forget.

people says there's plenty of fish in the sea, but god damnit i knew i'd caught the perfect catch, you. but my skills weren't up to par and i didn't know how to keep you. so i let you go, and ran away.

i'm so sick of listening to the same love songs on repeat while i sit in my bed, staring at the ceiling, remembering what used to be.

i'm done with wanting something i can never have back, because i was stupid enough to let go someone who actually cared about me.
i'm so done with wishing you were still by my side and were still here to make me laugh uncontrollably. i'm tired of everyone else having their happy endings.

things don't ever seem to work in favor. it always goes downhill, and i hate it. i hate my bad luck. i'm sick of being stuck in my mind reminiscing about all we could be.

but i tell myself everyday that you never actually cared and you were just playing me for shits and giggles or whatever else.

i've waited for so long to feel that spark again. that i felt when i met you, and it's been 3 years and still, nothing like that. i don't think i'll ever find someone like you, you were special, you always will be.

and i hate that. you could do anything and i'd still be on your side. i hate not knowing if you actually cared about me as much as you played yourself out to be, or if i was just imagining it. you're always stuck in my head. can you please leave my thoughts?

the waves keep crashing into my head and they won't stop. it's like a constant headache i get whenever i think of you. i'm trying so hard to get better, whats wrong with me? god help me.

did you actually ever like me? did you really care? we're your feelings genuine? i have so many questions that will probably never be answered

~y/n