Wonderland.

Chapter 4: Blue Prints

When I got up for school this morning I was determined. I got up with ease, put on a nice flannel shirt and skinny jeans, brushed my teeth, and put on some cologne. I don't think I have enough time for breakfast, I thought silently to myself. I wouldn't even believe myself if i

I tried to say I cared if I skipped breakfast today. I doubt I'll feel the hunger today at all, probably just pure anxiety and stress, more than usual. I looked down at the mood bracelet my sister had given me when I was young, and it was solid black. Which meant fear or stress. I was already expecting this completely, its not every day you just snap and decide you want to get the girl of your dreams. I still don't exactly have a blueprint of a plan to make Jade magically fall in love with me, but i think I'm just going to use my way with words. Ever since I was young, people have told me how persuasive I am, even my theatre teachers often made comments on how I could just about get anything from people by using my clever, planned articulation and carefully picked diction along with my charm. Oh yeah, people say I have charm, maybe I can use this to my advantage. I never actually took it into consideration that I might have a genuine charm. Damn it, I thought, this seems like a process that isn't really worth its weight in gold. I'll probably just eventually make a crazy impulse decision and randomly ask her out and get rejected. I guess I haven't been rejected before, but it might have just been out of pity, but now this is the most beautiful girl in the school. By far. What reason does she genuinely have to not reject me? I'm that not so popular new kid, I'm completely outcasted, I'm not athletic or someone with particularly good looks. Here I go again with the fucking self-pity. Even I'm getting annoyed with myself and I AM myself. How pathetic. Maybe I should just accept the fact that I can be mildly attractive with the right lighting and filter, damn I need a real life filter. I'd pay good money for that. ANYWAY, the only reason I could even pretend I believe I'm mildly attractive is because of some of my Instagram followers that compliment me constantly, damn, I really hope they mean it. Sometimes they are the only thing that actually get me through the day.

I just realized that I've been daydreaming the whole first and second period. Shit. I try to pay attention to the second half of the lecture so I don't actually fail this class. It's so hard to focus. Ugh. I finally make it to the bell and I turn in half of the exam I was apparently supposed to be doing into the first/second period tray. I'm off to science, then math, which go by seemingly fast. I forgot I was trying to pay attention, so I just day-dreamed the entire class periods about Jade and how I'm planning on winning her over. Now it's time for lunch. I can't even pretend I'm happy to go to lunch.. I'm such a loner this year. I don't even know where to sit. I decided on sitting at the popular guy table. Sometimes I sit there but I constantly get glares with the look of "you don't belong here" and the truth is, we all know I don't. The table is full of guys that makes girls fall head over heels for them. And I'm, well, not. The only reason I even can collect the courage to sit at the end of the table is because of this one friend I have a couple classes with that always compliments me and stuff, and he's just overall really nice to me. Lucas Sharp, his name, even sat by me at lunch, I assume because he knew how lonely I looked. I'm happy I have him even if he doesn't actually help me. We small talk a little, then the bells rings for my next class. The lasting duration of the day goes by seeming quickly, but I can feel eighth period creeping up on me, the only class I have with Jade. By the end of seventh period I can feel myself getting flustered. I think I'm starting to sweat. But I never sweat. Jade really is special then isn't she? That extra deodorant this morning was a good idea.

Shit. Did the bell just ring?! I think it did. Oh no. Everyone's leaving and I don't know what to do Oh my god what do I- I'm scared to go to eighth period. I decide to just scrounge up my courage and walk in the room. Oh my god. I can't believe it. The sight of it makes me want to drop everything in my hands.