nostalgia after death

11:49

I walked with no clue as to where I'm going. My feet felt lighter and my eyes were shinning with tears.

I was still angry at what happened. I thought I had let my past go, because death gave me an opportunity to leave my ugly life behind but that was not the case.

Death still forced me back to where I was, still made me feel the feeling of guilt and maybe a pinch of jealousy.

Maybe others who passed on too quickly didn't have the time to enjoy how invisible and free we are but at least they were contented with the life they had lived.

I was jealous of them. They didn't have to confront with the things they didn't want to come back to.

Now I wonder, did mom ever stay? When she died, did she see us mourn and get ourselves ruined by grief and longing?

I hope she didn't.

It's a shame my mom died. She was a good person and an even better mother. I didn't have the time to make it up to her. I always thought that she didn't give me everything she had, until I ran out of time.

Maybe it was actually my fault. And dad was right.

I continued to walk aimlessly when I passed a store than was playing ruthless by the marìas. It made me feel as if I was still alive and people could see me, then I started to dance slowly, just like before.

Long before I died, I used to dance. That was what made people know my name, and think of me as some kind of a gem. A valuable gem that shines every time she moves her hips and dances to the beat.

Some would call me a beast. A beast that gets aggressive when it dances, attacking the eyes of many by her moves. I took pride in dancing. It was the only thing that mom had taught me. I can't sing nor draw, but I dance.

Though I liked dancing, I never pursued it that much until I felt the attention it gave me. I was greedy, an attention whore.

But that wasn't the point. All I could think of now was that every time I dance, I feel like I'm another person, spared from the life of Elle that held too much pain that she no longer want to bear.

A smile crept up my face as I closed my eyes, cherishing the feeling I thought I'd never feel again.

The song was near on its end when I bumped into a shoulder.

I cursed and then it registered to me what happened.

I just bumped into someone and last time I checked, souls don't have bodies.