Star Wars: Edge of Hope

Chapter 8: Choose Your Own Fate...

Kylo Ren remained in the blown out wreckage. He felt weaker than he had before the seperation. His hands felt strange as he tried over and over again to flex them out of the onsetting numbness. His body felt heavier like he were carrying the weight of more than one person. Like he were caught under water fighting against the rushing tides that tried to push him backwards. He used to have dreams like that when he was a child. Dreams about being caught under the crashing of wave after wave, and everytime he tried to call out he swallowed more water. He would wake up needing to feel solid ground under his feet so he would walk through the house on his tip toes. Out past the sleeping droids, out to the overcast shadow of the Falcon and he could settle himself down at the bottom of the ramp. He'd sit there watching the stars blinking in the sky. He'd let the cool air blow away all the horrors of the nightmares. But he would still taste the salt on his tongue no matter how he tried to push those images down. He always felt like he'd failed in that way. Not being able to push his fears out into that place where they couldn't find him again.

"Ben? What are you doing out here, buddy? I thought we took care of the..."

He could feel his hands resting on his shoulders as he shoved in next to him on the banquet couch. The Falcon for some reason had always felt safer to him than his bed. There was something about that old ship, some kind of magic power it had to put him at ease, and to make you believe when you were with her...nothing could touch you. Like she were standing guard over all that inhabited her, a guardian to the lost and to the found.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I try not to get scared...I just can't block it out...And it feels so.."

"Real? Well, have you tried talking to Mom about it, you know I'm not so great at this Jedi stuff. Even knowing your Mom and Uncle Luke...I still don't completely get it...And maybe that's what helps me not to feel so afraid. Because even when they had bad things happen to them...they knew as long as they...as WE were together...nothing could really hurt us. So maybe you could...Okay, when you're asleep do you ever see your mom or...

"I see someone, but it's...it's not Mom. Sometimes she sings to me when I can't fall asleep...."

"Okay...Well, does it help?"

"Yeah...But on the nights when I have the..nightmare...I fall asleep just fine, but then when the nightmare starts I can't wake up. And I can't find..."

"Find who, buddy?"

"I can't find you. I look for you and call for you, but you never come."

"Well, that's how you know it's a dream, right? Cause you know there isn't a force in the entire galaxy that would or could keep me from getting to you if you needed me. So how about this...when you start having this dream instead of calling for me...I want you to imagine this...this ship flying down and picking you up. And then we fly off and go on adventure. Just you and me, okay?"

"Yeah, but..."

He always knew what I needed. He had always known what it meant for me to be different, but to feel like I didn't belong to either side.

"I think I know what'll help, stay right there kid...I'll be right back."

With the tap on his leg Kylo Ren felt his give out on him, and shaking his head he tried to dislodge the memory. But he couldn't and all over again like when he'd been that kid only beginning to get a taste of his true powers, he tasted the salt water in his mouth again.

"Here we go. Here...Now you have to promise, you won't lose these...okay? These have been with me for a really long time...almost as long as the Falcon. So when you go to bed at night, you take these and put them under your pillow. That way you'll have something that belongs to me...and if you need me, you just hold onto these and think of me. And I'll be there. Okay, Ben?"