Becoming Mary Jane

Chapter 12

*******

 "Flash!"

 I walk over to the fight. I'm tired of his constant bullying and I couldn't let him hurt this kid anymore. As soon as Flash's attention turns to me, I continue.

 "Are we still on for after school today? My house, three thirty? I hope you've been doing your homework. Last time I was very disappointed in you!"

 "Okay, listen...."

 "No, Flash, how about we go to class, hmm?" I interrupt him. "How about it?"

 "Whatever."

 The bell rings. Flash walks away as everyone else does. I start to follow the crowd, but then I turn back and get a quick glance at the guy Flash just beat up. He's on the ground with his camera that broke. I feel bad and I want to help him up, but I don't know what to say....

 I quickly look away and continue walking. I don't want him to think I was staring at him. When I get to class, I sit down. It's not long till he sits diagonally behind me to my left.

 Man, I should have helped him up outside. Why didn't I? Ugh, what's wrong with me! Well, I have to say something to him. After what he just did, who could ignore him?

 Before I know it, I turn around at once and say, "I thought that was great, what you did back there. It was stupid, but it was great. You should probably go to the nurse, you might have a concussion."

 I look at him. He has his head down on his desk with his camera, looking at me with these big brown doe eyes. He has brown hair that's slightly messy. I got to say, he's pretty attractive! I don't know why I never talked to him before. He seems different than the rest of the guys here.

 What's his name? Peter, I think, right? Come on, Gwen, just ask! But I can't. Yet I'm doing it anyway.

 "What's your name?"

 "You don't know my name?" he asks, seeming a little disappointed.

 Great, I knew it I would embarrass myself. Ugh what should I say now. Think, Gwen, think! Got it.

 "No, I know your name. I just wanna know if you know your name." Nice comeback, Gwen!

 "Peter.....Parker."

 "Okay, good!" I turn away smiling. I glance back at him at the corner of my eye, noticing he's still staring at me. This my chance. I still want to talk to him.

 I turn around facing him again. "I'd still go to the nurse though," I add.

 Peter then asks, "You're Gwen, right?"

 "Gwen Stacy," I tell him.

*******

 I wake up, seeing that it's still dark out. It was just another flashback dream. I look over at the clock which reads, 3:00am. 

 Not caring how late it is, I diall Lily's number. "I can't do this. I can't do this." I keep saying out loud to myself.

 "What's wrong?" Lily answers the phone in a worried tone.

 "I can't do this anymore!" I tell her.

 "Do what?"

 "Being Mary Jane."

 "Gwen..."

 "I can't!" I say starting to cry. "I can't live a life without Peter. I'm always going to be Gwen and there's nothing Nick can do about it!"

 "Well you've got that right," she says. "On the outside, you may be Mary Jane, but no one can change who you really are."

 "Exactly, which is why I can't do this. Nick is asking me to live a new life. He wants me to move on from Peter, but we both know I can't do that!"

 "I know."

 After a short moment of silence, I continue. "I had another flashback dream. It was about the first time I've talked to Peter. When I stood up for him to Flash. But that dream reminded me of why I love him so much. He always cared about others before himself. He stood up for that boy whom Flash was picking on. He was always a caring person before he was Spiderman, which made him the best Spiderman he could be. Don't you see? There's no one else I could love but him! No other than that sweet, handsome, big brown doe-eyed bugboy." 

 "Well you don't have to love anyone else. No one's forcing you, don't worry! Trust me, it's better to be single than to settle for someone you don't love."

 "But I don't want to be single. I want Peter!"

 "You know, it's not too late. He can still find you. Just because you have red hair now, that doesn't mean he won't be able to recognize you. Maybe, just maybe, you'll run into him."

 "Yeah, I don't think that will happen. Great, what if he moves on and falls in love with someone else?"

 "To be honest, from what you've told me about him, it doesn't seem like he would move on that quickly. He loved you, Gwen. He still loves you. I can see it! But if he ever does move on, not that I'd want him to though, you'd have to give him a chance. I mean, he doesn't know you're really alive. You want him to be happy, right?"

 "More than anything."

 "Then all I can say now is to have hope. You meant what you said in your speech, right?"

 "Yeah."

 "And I'm pretty sure you want everyone you know right now to have hope too, right?"

 "Of course!"

 "Then you must have hope. Well I got to go, I'm really tired. I'll see you tomorrow and I hope things get better. Please try to fall asleep though, okay?"

 "I will, thank you!"

 "No problem. Goodnight!"

 "Goodnight."

 I hang up my phone, putting it on the night stand and lying back down. I ponder what Lily said. She's right. When there's dark days ahead of us, like right now, we must have hope. We need to keep it alive.

 I wonder if Peter ever watched my graduation speech. I hope he has!  If he hasn't, I hope that somehow, someway, he'll realize that he needs hope.

 Well if I expect Peter and my family to have hope, then I must do the same.

 I must hold on to hope.