Heal me - JENLISA

E

The only girl who always made my heart flutter, the only girl I always loved to spend time looking at her from afar, the only girl I always hoped to see her again one day and tell her that she was my only light throughout my childhood, the only girl who could change my life but already belonged to someone. 

My tears were surely threatening to fall because Jennie's face changed as if she saw a glimmer of sadness and pain in me. But I wasn't going to make myself pitiful in front of her, even though I had no chance with her, I wanted her to see me as a strong and honorable person. I blinked quickly masking any emotion causing Jennie to change her expression, she was now confused.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," her voice was gentle. I always knew she was a sweet girl although I never spoke to her.

"Babe, let's eat. Come and tell the chef what you want," Mark patted the seat next to him. So she was going to sit between him and me for the whole meal. Good thing it wasn't a round table because I would have to suffer looking at her angel face.

Chaerin bombarded her with questions about her work that Mark seemed so proud of. My father was impressed with the amount of work she had but still managed to handle. Soon I realized that the meal was going to be long while my life didn't matter. So to ease the pain of being denied by these people, especially by the only girl I gave my heart to, I decided to leave even if it seemed rude.

"All right, thanks for the meal. I gotta go," I tapped the napkin on the corner of my lips before tossing it on the table. The chef gave me a few murder looks, but if he knew how little I cared.

"Lisa, that's a totally rude attitude so you're going to do me the honor of sitting back down and waiting for everyone to finish eating," my father got up from his chair looking me straight in the eye to make sure I understood.

"I'm sorry, Dad, but I warned you I wouldn't have an appetite. If this is about Mark getting married, you can just call me and send me the card later,"

I could feel Jennie's piercing eyes on me, but I refused to look at her. Deep inside I was afraid to see the reflection of my image in her eyes. I was afraid to see that I was nothing but a piece of shit. I'd rather be ignorant for the rest of my life than know that the only girl I was in love with found me despicable as a person.

"Let her be, honey. You can't force her to eat if she's not hungry. Besides, it was nice of her to come today," Chaerin, that two-faced woman. She thought she had every right since she came into our lives. I hated her because she was like all those people who pretended to have morals when they were just waiting to see the weakest falling down around them.

"Thank you for understanding me, Chaerin," my voice was filled with venom and I know she could hear it since I gained a glare from her, "Anyway, thanks everyone. Congratulations to both of you," when I said that, I made the mistake of looking at her. The intensity of her eyes had increased so much that I felt like she was discovering all my painful secrets.

She can't know that, she'll never know that.

My father was about to add something, but he didn't have time because I had already pushed the door open and left the room that was missing air. I haven't faced this much pressure for the past few years. Since what happened, my social life has completely vanished. I was living like a hermit where I only went out to buy groceries.

Outside the restaurant, I took a deep breath. It was a lot to take in, especially since some demons from my past had awakened, but I know that I would manage to move forward as I have always done until today.

Three days later, my father eventually gave up. He hadn't stopped calling me since the meal with his new family and Jennie. He wanted me to go and apologize to his wife and Mark but I had no reason to do so when I had done nothing wrong. My father always wanted me to pay for other people's mistakes like when my mother died. So you could say that I wasn't surprised by his order.