Heal me - JENLISA

M

I'm in trouble. 

I had gotten myself into a mess that I had no way out of. It was too late, my heart wanted what he wanted. I couldn't blame him, he'd been waiting for it for years. And when the day came, he didn't want to listen to anyone even though the brain warned him that he was risking a lot by pouring out all his feelings without restraint and when the time came, he would be broken forever. But the heart didn't want to hear that. Because he was stubborn like his owner. 

After that afternoon I spent at Jennie's place, I suddenly had a kind of hope. For the first time I felt alive I was worth something because every time she laid her eyes on me, they lit up and she gave me a genuine smile. I forgot everything that was around us, nothing was more important than her.

Jennie was so sweet, attentive, caring with me that I couldn't refuse her to come to my place. Of course it was a bad idea, not even a fool would have made that mistake. But I guess I was dumber than I thought, and I didn't care. At least I was happy and so was she.

That's why on this lovely Sunday, Jennie was in the middle of my living room admiring the paintings that covered the walls. At first, I was very embarrassed to show her my apartment, but she quickly reassured me that she liked it. Not much furniture, minimalist decoration with unique paintings, Jennie was a fan. My heart almost melted when she made me promise to give her a painting that would be a surprise, she wanted me to impress her.

"If your living room is so artistic, I can't even imagine your bedroom," she giggled as she touched the sculpture of a cat that I had carved out of clay.

"You want to see my bedroom?" I was stunned. Well, the fact that Jennie was the first person to visit my apartment (yes, even my father never came here) and to show her my bedroom, which was my private space, my place of serenity, was a big step for me.

"Why not? I expect to get a full tour of an artist's house," it was the hundredth compliment she made to me about my talent in art and I still wasn't used to it.

"Follow me," 

My place wasn't huge, but it suited a person who didn't get out of the house very often, the apartment was perfect for me. My hands were shaking slightly, fortunately she didn't notice it since she was too engrossed in observing every nook and cranny. Again, I wanted to ask her why she would spend a Sunday with me instead of her future husband. But the fear of hearing her answer told me that it was better for me to remain ignorant and that I should rather be grateful to have her with me.

I took a deep breath before pushing the door to my bedroom whose walls were painted white with some black marker drawings. My bed was in the middle of the room and all my paintings, brushes and color palettes were lying on the floor. Besides the paintings that brought the room to life there was my bonsai tree. If I don't spend my days painting, then I water my tree watching it grow day by day. It's just as relaxing as brushing.

"I can't believe that you're a nerd with a touch of hipster side," 

"I wouldn't say that about me, but anyway," I mumbled. How could Jennie see so many positive things about me when I didn't see them myself.

For a few minutes, she would walk around the room picking up a painting to scrutinize it without really asking questions. She would let her finger wander over the walls where drawings were on it as if she was trying to connect with it to enter my world. Meanwhile, I was standing by the door, not knowing what to do except wait for a reaction from her.

Did she think I was weird? 

Did I disgust her with my paintings of naked women? 

Will she just run away and never come back?