Heal me - JENLISA

L

She was my cure and she was my poison. 

She had been sent by a divinity to break me, to break me out of my hiding place that I had built for myself since I was a child. She was beautiful, charming, joyful, perfect and innocent, but she was still the greatest danger, my greatest danger. She came into my life before I could get my weapons ready, protect my heart. No, she didn't want any of that even though she didn't force me because I was ready to follow her even though I had no idea where she was going to take me. Oh she was so sweet as the honey that served as coulis on my pancakes when my mom made Sunday morning while my dad was mowing the lawn in our pretty garden. She's always been what I hoped for in my life.

Two weeks after our trip to this abandoned train station, we became closer than ever despite the fact that it was our little secret. We didn't need people to hear about this friendship that was blossoming, we didn't need them to get involved. We felt good sharing our crazy laughter, our stories, our dreams.

When I walked down the street, passers-by looked at me strangely. I quickly concluded that seeing me with a smile was a novelty. At first, I thought people were overreacting until the day I got the confirmation. 

I was in the stationery store looking for the necessary brushes and some colors I needed when I bumped into Mike who was looking at the different types of sticky paper. He was surprised, not because he ran into me comparing the quality of the brush hairs, but because something had changed in me.

"Damn Liz, what happened those days? You look glowing," 

Unaccustomed to receiving compliments, I had become embarrassed not knowing how to respond to that. There was nothing in Mike's voice to indicate that he was messing with me; instead he sounded pretty surprised and happy for me. Or Mike was simply the nicest tattoo artist around and that he was extremely pleased with his painting.

"Once again, you let me talk alone. What's the point, then, of me accompanying you on this city tour?" she crossed her arms slightly pouting her lips. Her hair tied up in a bun with a few strands falling out, her light make-up which proved even more the perfection of her skin, her floral dress which reminded me of my summer holidays in the meadow, she was simply sublime. If only I had the guts to tell her that her beauty had dazzled me, taking all the words out of my mouth, and that I wasn't even sorry to have let her talk alone.

"I'm sorry... I was thinking about to check another place," of course I didn't have the guts, so I ended up lying.

"Give me your criteria so we can target a specific kind of place. You told me you wanted to paint Van Gogh's Starry Night, right?," I nodded, liking the way she was organized, "But instead of a village, you'd want it to be a special place?"

"Yes Ma'am," she faked an annoyance by rolling her eyes but she failed to hide her smile. Today, she looked five years younger, making me vaguely remember those days when I admired her from afar. Every person who met Jennie Kim, was the luckiest person. 

Suddenly, I remembered that in a few weeks, Mark was going to be that person. A lump formed in my throat with a few punches in my stomach, the same feeling I used to feel a few years ago. Why hurt yourself so badly, I said to myself. So I pushed that negative thought out of my head and instead enjoyed those most cherished moments.

"I think I have a few places you might like. It's crazy you know so little about Seoul, you stay in your cave all day or what?" she shook her head in despair before grabbing me by the wrist and pulling me across the street. I glanced at her delicate fingers that were resting on my hand causing butterflies in my stomach.

And that was just the beginning.