Heal me - JENLISA

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I should've brought my hoodie instead of the damn suit.

That's what I've been telling myself ever since I decided to spend the rest of the day on the bench with a few beers I paid for a few pennies. The cashier looked desperate when he saw me with the bottles. He had to meet a broken soul every night it became his daily routine. At first I had no idea where I was going, but I refused to go back home. My sheets were still filled with her scent, I didn't have the strength to change them. The image of her gummy smile haunted my mind, which is why the idea of drinking that amount of alcohol seemed to be the solution.

Three empty bottles were at my feet. I had three more left, which meant I could last a few more hours. Maybe spending the night here would be a nice experience. It was a little too cool, but I don't think I was going to die from it. After all I've been through, sleeping in this abandoned train station won't be difficult.

I took my phone out of my jacket sleeve, feeling it buzzing. I squinted my eyes to read the name that was displayed on the screen only the alcohol had taken over me, I could only see blurred. However, the time that appeared in large font indicated to me that it was past 11:00 pm. A thin part of me was conscious and I remembered the wedding. They were probably having fun.

"Fuck my life, fuck everyone!" I yelled as I threw an empty bottle that immediately crashed on the rail. The birds flew away when they heard the noise that echoed throughout the station. 

My breathing was jerky, my tears were filling up, I felt empty. I looked up at the sky admiring the bluish tones with a track leaving by a plane that had just passed. I wondered what it felt like to be up there. Maybe my mother was looking at me from there and must have been wondering how I ended up in this pitiful situation. If she was there, maybe I would know what to do and my life would be less miserable because she always found the right words to comfort me.

"I really miss you mom," I whispered, looking at the sky. I was sobbing my eyes out, feeling vulnerable. At that moment, I could feel the demons of my past taking over. They had ripped out my heart, now they were attacking my mind. Anyway, I had nothing to lose. If they wanted to steal my soul, let them. At least I'd die in peace.

I closed my eyes allowing myself to feel the cold air caressing my cheek. I imagined my mother wiping my tears like every time I fell on the ground and she would tell me that was okay to fail but I should never give up. For a few minutes of silence, I tried to empty my mind of all the negative things around me. Maybe I should join her.

"Mom? What do you say I meet you up there? Do you think it's possible to find me a place?"

I stooped down to take an empty bottle and slammed it against the pillar that held the station shelter. The bottle was now sharp, it was my weapon. No, it was the key to getting me to my mother. Rolling up the sleeve of my vest, I moved the bottle closer to my outstretched arm and lightly traced the point on my skin. I gritted my teeth as soon as I felt the spike pressed against my wrist and sank slightly without hurting myself yet.

"Mom, do you think it hurts?" the sky looked calm, no sign of planes or birds. It was as if the world had stopped to witness a poor girl who thought she was going to end her life.

Suddenly a voice came out of nowhere, but since the alcohol had taken over most of my body, I didn't know exactly where the voice was coming from. All I know is that it was sweet and full of worry.

"Mom, is it you?" still holding the bottle close to my wrist.

"Yes, darling. Please don't do that, promise me you won't hurt yourself and I'm coming to you," 

"Really?" 

"Yes, darling. Now throw this bottle away and don't move," the sweet voice said and even in the deepest in my mind I knew it wasn't my mom, I followed it because I felt secure. So I did what she asked, throwing the bottle on the rails and crying. The tears drowned me out that I could only discern the silhouette that approached me before I felt its protective arms around me.