Psychotic Figures (Jalex)

Chapter Fifteen

I walk into the room and see Jack sitting there. He looks up at me and the corner of his lip twitches. "Good morning Jack," I say, sitting down. "I opened the box... The ring- it's from Alishia, correct?" 

He nods. "She got it from her grandmother. She used to wear it all the time, especially after her grandmother passed," Jack says softly. "Her brother gave it to me after the funeral." 

I nod and place one hand over my other. "Jack, what was the finger counting for?" I ask, hoping he doesn't lose control again. Either way, I need to know. 

He narrows his eyes. Jack... He sits back in his seat, staying silent. His expression goes dark. 

"Jack, remember our promise?" I lean slightly forward in my seat. His eyes meet mine. "Jack, don't do this. Remember the promise we made?"

He blinks and purses his lips. "Dr. Gaskarth. I said I would try," he smiles. He stands up. "I never said I would be able to do it." 

I feel my heart start to pound faster. Is he willing to throw it away? What if he faked it to trying and get me to go easy on him and let him go sooner?

"Jack, just tell me what it was about," I sigh, looking up at him, trying to ignore the second guesses I have for him- for us. "What was the finger counting for?" 

He walks over to me and leans against the table, right next to me. "What do you think?" He says slowly, scanning my face. 

"You were planning something. Maybe hurting someone or yourself. Maybe trying to escape. I don't know."

He smiles and shrugs. "Looks like you said anything bad that I could possibly do. How do you know it's bad?"

I let out a soft scoff in annoyance. "You won't tell me. Of course, I think you were planning something bad." 

He just rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Oh, doctor. It really is beating you up, huh? You can't figure it out." 

"Jack, for the last time, just tell me, and we can move on from it." 

He smirks. "Bet you'd love that, huh? You know, there's some chatter that you lost someone and haven't truly dealt with it yet." I try to stay emotionless, but I'm worried he saw the slight shock in my eye when he said that. There's no way patients found out. He tilts his head slightly. "If you can't magically fix yourself, what makes you think you can fix me? Hell, what makes you think I even want to be fixed?" 

"You can't keep pretending," I speak bluntly. His eyes narrow at my words, but he doesn't say anything. "Jack, the day you got stabbed, you were genuinely scared of dying. I could see it in your eyes and the way you asked if you were going to die." 

"You're imagining things," he scoffs, looking away. His voice sounds panicked. 

"I'm not. You're scared of dying. Jack, let me help you, please." 

He purses his lips and turns back to me. "Is it possible for me to get out before actually going back to the psychiatric hospital?" 

I nod. "If you try hard enough, I'm sure I can do that for you." 

"What exactly would I have to do?" 

"Be more open during therapy sessions. Follow general rules. Genuinely show signs of mental wellness," I list off. I could get him out in no time. I could sign him out this second if I wanted to. But that would be foolish and careless of me.

He nods and thinks it through for a moment. "I was going to hang myself," he mumbles. My heart drops to my stomach, but I wait for him to continue. Instead, he stays silent, his eyes trained to the floor. 

"How?" I ask slowly.

"Well, not hang myself per se. Just suffocate. I was going to-" he stops and takes a breath. I place my hand on his arm. He could easily brush my hand off but he doesn't. "I was going to use the sleeves of my sweater. I was counting down because I wanted to hurt you."

I blink. "What?"

"Well, you seemed so desperate to fix me... I thought this would hurt you. And- I don't know, at the time it felt like a good idea."

"Do you still believe that?" 

He shakes his head quickly. "It was when you helped me with the stab did I realize I would have deeply regretted it. That's why I told you-"

"To not blame myself," I finish. "Thank you for being open about it. All the times that you almost killed me... What stopped you?" 

He starts biting his lower lip. "You. Every time I got close to doing it... You brought me out. I- I'm scared that if it were anyone else, I would have killed them instantly." 

"You wouldn't do that. I think a part of you knows it's wrong, it just gets hard for you to stop sometimes. But that's why I'm here, Jack." I gently rub my thumb against his arm. I stand up and face him. "If you stay open with me, I can get you out. But I need to know that you won't go back to trying to hurt yourself." 

"Dr. Gaskarth?" He mumbles. "I don't know if I want to die." 

At least he's improving? A week ago he would have begged to die without a second thought. 

"Oh," I answer instead. "You have a life ahead of you, Jack. I hope you're willing to live enough to see it." 

He smiles gently and lets out a soft sigh. "I'm going to try, okay? I can't promise I'll never lose control... But I want to try." 

Alright. This side of him wants to try. Now I just need to convince the darker side of him. 

"Okay. Well, start by talking to me. Remember to eat and take your meds. Listen to the nurses. Just... Do what you're supposed to do, and I'll see if you're ready." 

I pull him into a hug and he buries his face in my shoulder. "Thank you," he mumbles against my skin. He pulls away to look at me. "Thank you for believing in me."