Group Therapy

71 - Friend.

"I just need some time, I'm tryna think straight. I just need a moment in my own space. Ask me how I'm doing l say 'okay', but ain't that what we all say?"

If You Want Love ~ NF.

° ° ° °

After a few hours of eli and l talking- mostly comforting each other -he fell asleep.

It was nice to see him finally get some rest, l don't want to think about what happened and how he dealt with it. It's exhausting to have to watch him go through the exact same thing l went through knowing that l can't do anything about it but try to be there for him. 

I spent the rest of the day with hunter until we both got tired and decided to go to bed.

Right now it's the next morning, 9 AM l think.

I don't know, l haven't checked.

Eli's been sleeping since yesterday evening, l didn't bother waking him up seeing as he probably needs the rest.

I let eli have the bed to himself and l decided to just sleep on the couch after l put hunter to sleep in his bed.

We have a guests room, l was just too tired to move.

Still am.

I know yesterday wasn't nearly as hard on me as it was on eli but it was still nightmarish to me.

I was just starting to get over alex's attemp and now this happened.

It brought me back to a time when l was just like eli and l didn't like the feeling, l really really didn't.

It's only been a night since it had happened and since l don't have anything that l need to get done immediately I'm taking my time to process everything.

A part of me feels guilty for feeling bad when eli is the one that took most of the impact, mentally and physically.

Another part of me feels too depressed to care whether l have the right to feel this way or not.

Mostly I'm just trying to get myself to get over it, surely being pushed back into a time in my life where things weren't going too well is bad but it's over now and l know that eli's safe. It's better for everyone if l just let it go.

Now "letting it go" isn't something that l can do but distracting myself and letting time do it's thing works every time.

Of course it doesn't completely heal everything but it wouldn't hurt nearly as bad as it does now-

The sound of a knock on the front door pushes me back into reality.

I groggily get up and make my way to the door, making sure to tame my hair down to try and make myself a bit more presentable before looking through the peephole.

My heart flutters in excitement when l see ryder and l check myself once again in the mirror before opening the door.

"Ryder!" l exclaim, immediately throwing myself in his arms.

"Hey, B!" he chuckles lightly, wrapping me into a hug.

"I missed you." he admits.

Hearing those words come out of his mouth makes me want to hug him and never let go.

God l love him so much.

I know I'm probably an idiot for doing so but l can't freaking help it. He's too precious for my heart to stop melting every time he shows up.