Group Therapy

48 - Unsteady.

"I'm in my bed, and you're not here. And there's no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands. Forget what l said, it's not what l meant. And l can't take it back, l can't unpack the baggage you left."

Falling ~ Harry Styles

° ° ° °

Something was wrong, the strong smell of whiskey confirmed it.

I step onto the grass and walk towards him resting his head against the cold stone wall, noticing the half empty bottle of whiskey dangling loosley from his hand and the tears staining his cheeks, l don't say a word and sit down next to him.

Normally I would freak out, a cold hearted asshole like him crying? But this time it's different.

Whenever l would look into his eyes l would see nothing, nothing at all, no emotions no feelings, no body language that l can read. Just a man with nothing to say or offer, a person with words and emotions buried deep inside, so deep that no one is able to get a hold of those emotions, even himself. All l saw in him was flesh covering anatomy, like he was so far into pretending that everything is alright that he tricked himself into believing it.

But right now when l looked into his teary eyes l actually saw something, as if the walls he's been holding up that have prevented anyone from knowing how he feels inside have crumbled down.

He glances at me over his shoulder with red swollen eyes without saying a word and squeezes his eyes shut, biting his lower lip to keep himself from fully letting it out.

But, as much as he tries to hold in it he can't, not for long at least. Eyes speak.

I reach for his empty, holding it in mine and gently rubbing it with my thumb.

Taking me off guard, he crashes into my chest and breaks down into a flood of tears, dropping the bottle next to him.

"I didn't want to hurt you okay? I didn't want to hurt anybody. I-I don't know how I got here but I don't wanna do this anymore." he cries, his head buried in the crook of my neck, tears drenched my shirt bit l don't care, l need to help him.

"Hey, Ryder look at me. It's okay. You don't have to worry about it for now. Mistakes happen and that's okay."

"If l could take it all back right now l-l would in a heartbeat. I never meant to hurt anyone."

Regret, l know that feeling too well.

"It's alright. Really, it is. You never meant to hurt them and that's what matters, I'm sure they forgive you now. It's okay, you're okay." I gently stroke his hair, unable to think of another way to help him.

We spend the next fifteen minutes or so in the same position, his head buried in the crook of my neck with his arms wrapped around me, my fingers stroking his soft his hair while the other arm held him tight.

I don't care how he's hurt me before, I've been in his state and l know that l would want someone to hug me and tell me that it's going to be okay. I have the chance to do that to him and l won't miss it.

Slowly, his sobs turn into sniffles and he breaks the hug, looking at me with red eyes and cheeks stained with tears he mumbles "Thank you."

"Yeah, of course." I mumble, the cold weather starting to make my tips feel numb. "It's been a long night for you, why don't we go inside now? It's warmer in there."

He nods in agreement and l stand up, taking his hand and pulling him up with me.

He tries to balance himself but the alcohol leaves him too drowsy to do so.

I hold my hand out to him and he takes it in his before I lead him back into the house, leaving the bottle of whiskey lying on the grass.

We walk into the bedroom and he stops once l close the door, the moonlight shining through the window being the only source of light available, "Are you okay there?" l ask.

He clutches his stomach and covers his mouth with his before rushing into the bathroom.

I follow him in there and he starts throwing up all the alcohol he's had into the toilet.

As distasteful as it is to witness, l bend down next to him and hold his hair back to prevent it from getting in his face.

I'm pretty sure if he was sober he would've never let me be here, ever.

Once he's done he rests his head against the wall, slowing down to catch his breath.

I don't even want to imagine how he'll feel in the morning.

I flush the vomit away and carefully help him stand up.

"Hey why don't you brush your teeth before you go to bed okay?" l offer and he nods.

I help him over to the sink and squirt some toothpaste on his toothbrush before handing it to him. He manages to actually brush his teeth, almost loosing his balance a few times in the process.

Jesus, how much alcohol did this man have?

I walk him back to his bed and help him get in before mumbling a small "Goodnight."

And by the time I get back in my bed I can tell he's already sound asleep.

I don't know how to feel anymore. Blair was pretty cool and we got along well, same with Ace, but then l found out that they both work for a gang, not to mention the biggest gang in the whole state according to Google.

Then l found out that Ryder never came into my life because he wanted to but because he wants something from me, which was kind of expected. And then this happens.

Something about the apology he gave me tells me he actually meant it.

The breakdown he had tonight wasn't the normal 'life is hard'  breakdown, something happened. I know that. But it's not my place to ask.

He probably won't even remember a thing in the morning.

° ° ° °

Hey babes, l spent the whole weekend studying and l have an exam tomorrow, wish me luck.

I know l said this chapter would be in Ryder's POV but l realized after that was announced that it would reveal too much about Ryder, stuff y'all aren't supposed to know for now ;)

So we got to see Ryder's vulnerable side, l doubt he'll even remember it by next morning lol

Sorry for rambling but just before l go, the mcr reunion concert. I watched the whole thing live on YouTube and loved every second of it. That was beyond incredible.

Anyway, I'll go now lol see you next chapter.

Edit: hey, future me again. I cringed so hard whole editing this chapter. Seriously, why tf do y'all read this shit? I'm worried for your well being.

Lots of love to all you beautiful souls, Sera xxx 🖤🖤🖤