Life Unscripted

A Time In My Life I Wanted Erased

I was at work working a double shift when a close friend of mine called me and told me she needed to talk to me about something really important. I kind of was afraid to answer. It sounded so serious! I said ok and I went on my lunch break to call her. What she just revealed to me broke my heart in so many pieces. She told me that her daughter told her about inappropriate behavior that happened when she was at my house.

My friends kids always were at my house as they were close to my kids also. She said her daughter told her that the inappropriate behavior was done by my husband and they were on their way to file a police report. She was so distraught as a mother. I told her I was going home to confront him about it. That feeling of someone punching me in the stomach came over me. It felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I went home and confronted him about it and he swore to me he didn't know what my friends daughter was talking about. Basically telling me that it was not true.

From that moment is when everything shifted for me in my marriage and in my own personal life. A few weeks passed by and I waited to hear from the Police . We never heard from anyone. I tried to go and speak with my friend one on one. She was still shaken up about it and understandably so. She just said we needed to kind of take a break from our friendship and give her some time to sort it all out. A few months went by still nothing from the authorities but I definitely changed how I did things in my house. I told him I wanted a divorce and I didn't want him around me or the kids. I tried to kick him out but he wouldn't leave. We then slept separately for a few months until I was able to save some money to leave him. It just became too much for me.

My kids were older now and they sensed the distance and discord. I didn't know how to explain to them all that had happened. I started working more hours, seven days a week and some nights sleeping at my co workers home, just to avoid him. I was distraught myself.  Like how could he have been so stupid! It actually took me about a year, I finally saved up enough money to leave him. He however when I told him was not happy at all. I came home after being gone for the weekend and I told him to his face it was over and I was taking my children with me to San Diego. He became irate and got his weight lifting belt to swing at me, he missed me but caught my wrist with the metal part of the belt and sprained my wrist. I left out of the house that night and told him I'd be back to get my kids.

At this time he was laid off from work so he was always at home all day. I was really torn apart by everything. One day on my 31st bday he asked me if we could all sit down together with my kids who were now 13, 11, 9 and 7. I just wanted this all to be done with so I agreed to meet with him and my kids at the house. I got off of work and went over and he told me that he will agree to the divorce and leave the state of Washington to move to his family in Hawaii, but only under one condition. I asked him what that was. He said if I wanted the divorce I would have to give him two kids for him to raise and I could have the other two kids. Basically we would share custody and in the summer time we would let the kids get together for a few weeks of the summer than we would swap the kids for the remainder of the summer. I really felt like I had no choice. He wouldn't agree to the divorce or even leave the house if I didn't agree. I asked the kids who wanted to go with their dad and I don't remember hearing any response. Then my oldest said to me she'd go with her dad so then we agreed that he would have the first and third child and I would take the second and forth child. That was the older one could help take care of the younger child.

That was the hardest decision I had to make. With my heart broken I agreed and he made his arrangements to leave to Hawaii in the next few days with the other two kids. The day came and I was packing all of the kids clothes that were going with him and I just cried thinking why this all had to happen this way. Just when I thought things were finally getting better in my marriage and my family. There was still an underlining issue being hidden from me.