Life Unscripted

One Day At A Time

Trying to get back to some type of normalcy if you will isint as easy at it seems. I had to fly back to Washington for work but I was unselttled about leaving my younger son in San Diego he was on probation which now meant he could not leave the city or state without permission and also meant he was stuck in San Diego until all of this was over. My older sister who resided in San Diego was gracious enough to let my son come and stay with them. Although I wished I was there so he could come and live with me, but things were different and I had to help my yougest get through her last years of High School. I had to be at peace that my youngest would be ok and he would learn to adjust.

I kept in touch with him as much as I could but I saw such a different young man after he had been in jail for a few months. What I mean was he was changed in his demeanor. He was more timid a bit fearful. I later discovered why. While being incarcerated he tried to defend himself in there and was put in the hole which is where for punishment you are put in a cell that has no window and I believe you do not get to eat in there either. He says that he began to hallucinate and see things ungodly. Like fighting with demons almost. It would take him days to reconnect back to reality after being taken out of the hole. He was alone, afraid, and didnt feel safe. I was concerned for him when he got out of jail having gone through all that. He was ordered to have cognitive therapy while out on probation. He signed up for it and therefore was able to get some help, he did start going back to church and for the most part tried to get his life back together again. As a mother, I watched how he was trying but I feel like as he tried to move forward there was always something that would happen that would set him even further back. It was heartbreaking to watch him go through this, especially because I was so far away. I also was still torn and unsettled in my spirit to see and hear my older sons experiences still being in jail for a few more months and then finding out when he was released would have to be on house arrest, punishing him much further that he deserved.

I saw what the jail system does. It sets them up for failure. With that being said, as the months went by I thought of how unfairly my older son was treated by law enforcement in being taken into custody and being blamed for the accident when he was not even there. How they punished him more than my younger son. I feel as if it was unfair and unjust the treatment towads him, but I prayed to God to help the boys move forward and to learn from this horrible accident and to do better in life.

The first two years of the boys probation was good so it seemed. They both started working. My younger son trying to finish his credits to complete his high school diploma. They also both consumed themselves with working out at the gym and living their seperate lives but supporting one another with love and encouragement. My oldest daughter was moving forward with her life being a mother to her young daughter working full time to support her as well.

Meanwhile I was watching my youngest get through her schooling and try to finish high school. It was now her senior year and I changed my work shift to a split shift. My daughter came home to stay in our home her senior year but this would mean that we would have to wake up early every morning to commute to drop her off at her friends home by 6 am so that I could make it back to my job by 7 am each morning to start my shift. Remember that we lived about 45 minutes away from my daughters high school and I worked near where we lived. My new work shift was 7 am to 11 am then 3 pm to 7pm. This shift was better for me because then I could get off of work at 11 am then commute the 45 minutes away to pick my daugter up for school then drop her at home and get back to work in time to finish out my day. It was hard on us but I knew it was temporary and we only had a few months to do that then we would see my daughter graduate.

Meanwhile through all of this trying to check on and make sure my three older children who were now young adults were ok living in San Diego, and trying to balance out my own life with my responsibilites at my church along with home and work life it was alot for me but I knew I was built strong and that I could do it! Trust me I had been through so much in life and I learned to become tough. I wanted nothing more at this time in my life but to see my fourth and last child succeed and it would give me a sense of accomplishment as well. I know that alot of parents feel the same way too. Helping to get their children all through high school and watch them walk on that stage is something we can all share in the happiness and fullfillment it brings into our lives.

Througout all the trails in my life at this point, my faith had become solid and I knew that life was not always going to be easy, but that if I continued to trust in God and to make sure I remembered that it was He who helped me and all my kids to get to the point of life we were all at in that season. It was only by this strong faith in God that I knew, whatever was to come my way I would be able to withstand and remain strong.

It was about three months shy of my youngest graduation and throughout that last year I was fighting a very painful health condition. I had pains in my stomach that I did not recognize. I also was having bad bladder issues, like kidney infection which would cause me to have very bad urinary tract infections. The pain from both of these issues were very painful but I continued to move forward with daily life. I was seeing two different specialist but even with that the issues were not resolved. Although my physical body was not up to par, I was spiritually trying to stay strong for the sake of my children and myself.

A few weeks into March of that year 2018, I was notified by my payroll department at work that I was going to get a garnishment for a medical bill I had accrued from all of these sicknesses. I was not able to pay the amount left after my medical insurance paid to the doctors and the many emergency visits I had. I was only able to pay the necessities like food, rent, car payment, utlities and things my daughter needed for her senior year.  I think when I started to get garnished it set me back even further, It made me get into a dark place where I thought I was strong enough to withstand. I was still physically not well, but I tried to continue to go to work. It would not last long because after about two weeks of working full time, I had a mental breakdown at work. I think now looking back at it, I was preparing for my daughters graduation and having my income cut in half really got me bad! I thought how will I be able to pay for rent, the necessity of living and then save money to let my last child have a good celebration of all her accomplishments.

I was able to talk to my supervisor and he gave me the resources to talk to at work. I then took a medical leave so I could take care of me, this then forced me to have to see a therapist on top of the other specialist for my bladder and stomach issues.  Now I was off of work full time to get my health in order. I had no income except for my child support, which was about $200 a week. I thank God because if it was not for that, my daughter and I would not have money for food or gas to make it through to the end of her senior year.

I continued to seek medical help along with reach out to my landlord and car place to let them know of my current situation. My body was getting weak physically so I was not able to take my daughter out to school each day, and thankfully her boyfriend was able to take her each day.

I now at home full time and had alot of time to do self assesment. I was taking the time to heal my mind heart and physical body. I knew that in the next three months I really had to try and help myself so I could be there for my last child to get through to her graduation. It was hard to get out of bed daily without any pain. I started a course in Bible School and I joined a women's group that met once a week with my friends to help me get through everything mentally. I'm glad I did that it helped so much!

We were finally able to get to the day of my youngest graduation. I was blessed up until this moment because even though I was lacking so many things, God brought people into my life that helped us tremendously.

My daughters prom dress was given to her through a prom project program my daughter found through her high school. Her hair and makeup was done through our long time friends daughters. By the way her and her boyfriend won Prom King and Queen. Her cap and gown was given to her through her school. Then with the outpouring of love and support from family traveling from out of town to help us through it was amazing. My church family as well came through in a huge way donating all the food for her celebration day as it was her 18th birthday also. I thanked God for His faithfulness and to everyone who took part in these blessings. My heart was very overwhelmed!