Perhaps (Book 1) | ✔

ACT III - Scene 5

Gloria's home — her bedroom

I lied in bed that night, unable to sleep. All I could do was stare, horrified, at my ceiling fan as I replayed the kiss with Professor Lee over and over again in my head: from the moments before to our shared duet to directly after. I couldn't forget about how amazing his lips had felt—almost as if they had been made to perfectly fit mine. I couldn't forget about the feeling of pure elation that had rendered me completely senseless. My cheeks grew hot again.

Rendered me completely senseless, all right! Why did you do that?!

Why had I done that?! Why had I let it happen?! He was my teacher! I could easily be expelled for what had happened in the auditorium, had anyone saw it. He could lose his teaching job and possibly even his license. His reputation would be destroyed!

Tears filled my eyes: I didn't want Professor Lee—the kindest man that I had ever met—to lose his job and his reputation just because I had let myself get too carried away; because I had let myself give in to my fantasies and kiss him.

He kissed you back.

Why had he kissed me back? Had he just been lost in the moment, as I had been? Had he been unaware of what he had been doing? Surely—surely—the reason for his behavior was one of those. There was no way that I could dare to allow myself to hope that he had kissed me for the same reasons I had kissed him.

How was I supposed to face him now? Despite all of the other moments we had shared—despite some of the horrible events that he was privy to—how could I face him after I had allowed myself to kiss him like that?! How was I supposed to stay silent about it, and not make a single remark about what happened between us? It was going to be the only thing on my mind every time I saw him; it was going to be the only thing I'd be able to think about when I would listen to him lecture—when I would stare at his lips...

Perfect lips that had fit so perfectly against my own...

How was I supposed to not wish for another moment like that? How could I not wish for him to kiss me as he had again?

How was I supposed to not love him?

I buried my face in my pillow as I began to sob. I knew what I had to do.

I vowed for the final time that night to never interact with Professor Lee again. The semester was almost over; I had one class under him next semester that I had chosen to keep over a dance class—I would just switch it out for the one I had dropped. I never had to see him again after this musical performance concluded. After all, I had gotten my leading role; so I didn't need to audition for any future ones, right? I could just go back to focusing on dance, like my mother wanted.

It would be simple: out of sight, out of mind. My silly feelings would disappear if I stopped seeing him. Not seeing him would mean they would have no opportunities to flourish. I wouldn't have to be worried about being entranced by his laugh or his smile or his lips. It would be easy. Simple. Painless.

Right?

I can forget about him.

I can not love him anymore.

Right?!

I fell asleep that night feeling like a weight was crushing my chest. It was so hard to breathe.

*

Accent Academy — the Stage

This was it.