Light & Dark

Self Examination (Part 1)

What happens when we cannot pretend anymore,

And circumstance requires honesty?

When there is no more strength—maybe even the decency-- to conceal what we really think?

How will you react when everything you hid from yourself comes spilling out,

In an unexpected wave.

In the moment when your eyes widen in surprise,

And you realize that you meant what you said.

Who will you be surrounded by when your secrets are no longer secret,

When you realize you can't possibly be fixed by earthly measures;

When you know that you have the disease but cannot create the cure?

The moment your security reveals itself as false.

And who you thought you were was nothing but a charade.

When all your strength becomes weakness,

And all your weakness feels like death?

In the quiet of night,

You begin to wonder if you were ever real at all.

Thoughts unravel and you recognize some truth.

You recognize that you mistook selfish ambition for purpose.

Your world revolved around your own desires,

You never rose above survival and the pursuit of comfort,

And you actually believed that your dreams were nothing more than the fiction of the future.

You did some things for other people because you cared,

But hardly enough;

And you did care.

Is that enough?

You don't know.

Your spirit cries for rescue,

And you pray into the empty air to anyone who may be listening.

Your face expresses your despair without permission, 

And you start to believe that maybe there is something more than the physical.

Maybe sin actually has a weight?

Maybe you are actually going to hell?

You've had whispers of peace and hope,

But there are other whispers too.

Whispers that have the presence of deceit,

But wield the power of fear.

You cry yourself to sleep,

And think of death.

When you arrive at work the next morning a cloud hovers over you.

You said you would be honest with someone.

You hope that maybe someone will notice the burden on your shoulders 

and offer a shoulder of their own.

But when the moment comes you smile and say that you are good.

You are happy that they are good too and you laugh.

You commend your great personality.

Lies had never fallen so easily from your lips,

And maybe this is just how life is.

Maybe this is it.