Fallen Demon

I’m not saying I’m regretful
I’m not saying I’m Hopeful
But grateful could explain it in many ways
How you made me truly happy in my darkest days.
But weird remembering our past memories
How we got to be so close but let it all go anyways.

Felt like I was losing hope, You and myself at the same time
A fallen demon who can’t call his witch mine
I didn’t want to let you go cuz I was simply scared
Scared I’ll be alone, Scared as if I was losing my head.
Sadly our fate told me to let you go and so I did
But when I finally did, it left my whole heart ached.
It left me craving for your touch, your laugh, and scent
While those ocean eyes of yours got my demon wings bent.

Funny to think that it all started with a poem
Couldn’t find the right words or the balls to say them.
I remember being nervous and couldn’t tell you myself
So I let an old friend write one while I was blabbering stuff.
Well, I guess we’ll be in touch even if not together
And I think I’ll be alright as long as your happier.

I hope you don’t forget about this weak demon in the coming years
I know whatever happens it’ll be better if I at least get to see your eyes.
I’m hoping I get to be at your future birthdays
Tho you wouldn’t remember any of mine afterwards.
We didn’t even get to celebrate one
So I had to remember about yours even on mine.

You were the last and only person I ever slept under
And boy how I wished that moment was forever.
I could hear your heartbeat and it almost felt like home
I guess it’s one of the many things I’ll just have to overcome.
I didn’t make you stay as I should’ve
Times I wanted to hold you and I could’ve.
But I got scared knowing I’m way over my head
She said let’s just be friends so dude, make her laugh instead.

I sometimes try to see your side of the story
Like if you ever felt the same
Were you ever real or was it all just a game.
If your were really okay at times you said you were
If u just needed a hug, icecream or maybe a flower from somewhere.
I know I wasn’t the best lover, or anything close to it
But I was ready to give you my all even if u were against it.
I wanted to make you happy, past your insecurities
To show you it was okay to get crazy sometimes.
With your problems and your mood swings

Your joyfull moments, including your downfalls
I’d always be there to hold you and wipe off your tears.
Would be there for you in every step of the way
To show you my love, support and surely sometimes I’d annoy.
Tried to let you know that I wanted you in your every possible way
But when you said u didn’t feel it anymore, that it has faded away,
It broke me into words I can’t even say.
We might get to do all that but this time as friends
Nothing will be different except that we won’t be holding hands.
I’d still be the same weirdo and you also can relate
I’ll be there to know more about you, ignoring my self hate.
But I’m thankful that I at least got to make you smile
Just hearing you laugh makes all this worthwhile.

Maybe it was supposed to be, Maybe it’s for  the best.
But I know no one else can let this dark soul rest.
Maybe this is closure, Maybe I have to say goodbye.
But I can’t say I want that cuz I’ve been yours with a shut eye.
I didn’t realize how deep I’ve fallen for your spell
Till you made it clear that I was fragile, even from hell.
And get sad, get really sad about how it got to that point.
Just always missing you even with a shattered heart.
To the point of no return, just a broken demon
Trying to understand it all, in the way how it all began.
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- Lowkey poet